I took a couple weekends off from this because a) September 4 – I was throwing up, and b) September 11 – I was crying about some troops.

But I’m back with SEETHING HOT VENGENCE! Let’s start by taking down Public Enemy #1: She Who Must Not Be Named.

Cathy.

Cathy

Fuck this lady! Making me read all these words? Why I outta…

FALL FASHION 2000. Today’s Cathy is a regular blast from the past. The way past. Like, 260 months ago. “A celebration of womanhood and the body part of the millennium” is a horrible panel to subject us all to, but I’m extremely happy that the next seven panels aren’t a discussion of Cathy’s morose vagina. Instead, it’s a commentary (?) on celebrity women who are having kids and not afraid to show it!

And this scares the nose right off of Cathy’s face! HUGE CLOTHES INTENDED FOR PREGNANT WOMEN? One big fat joke. That’s pretty misogynistic of you, Cathy Guisewite. I hope you continue to rot in your plus-size casket.

Rex Morgan, M.D.

This is the longest instance of pure, uncontaminated “Who-Gives-a-Fuck” I’ve ever seen in the comics page. What IS all this? Is there anybody, anybody at all, who cares that this old bag died? I don’t want to hear about Hank Harwood and his old fuck buddy. While I do think it’s hilarious that the Harwoods went to the funeral in the same clothes that they wore to the diner the first time AND the second time, I don’t understand why anything here is in my goddamned newspaper. I’m so angry I could throw a brick at my own face right now.

I hope Jr.’s plane crashes right into Sr.’s crotch. I don’t see Rex OR Morgan in this comic strip. I hate America.

Family Circus

Just call in sick, Walt. I shave my face with a rusty Swiss army knife corkscrew every single day and I’ve never had three Band-Aids on the right side of my face. Maybe your own dad never taught you how to shave properly, and now you’re going to blame your shortcomings and childhood abuse on your smelly teenage son? Great parenting. No wonder he’s going to be on the pole in a couple of years.

Next time, take a real chainsaw to your neck. Your family will laugh and LAUGH!

Mallard Fillmore

I have nothing to say about this that’s funnier than this description of Mallard Fillmore I found:

“Mallard Fillmore lampoons everything from political correctness to Phil, Oprah, and Geraldo to our government’s insatiable appetite for spending our money.”

Oh no, not Phil! Is nothing sacred?!

I haven’t been keeping up with the Trump news. For all I know, he stuck his head in the oven three days ago to try to lick dried gravy off the grate. Let’s we what the greatest political minds on the Internet have to say right now about the current political climate in America.

SATX2CCFL: “The liberal donor-class was shaken to its core this week when they saw their first non-white, non-Obama person walking the streets of Martha’s Vineyard not carrying a can of Pledge and a dust rag or a leaf blower. Yes, they mostly spotted them through the cameras on their security gates, but they called the police almost as fast as they called their friends at MSBNC.”

The guy with a username ripped right off of a license plate has something to say about… something? I guess. Is this about Ron DeSantis and his decision to send illegal immigrants to scare the rich white people. And, if I’m not mistaken, this is exactly what would scare rich white people of ALL political positions! Pot calling the kettle a pot! Feel free to use that one, because it doesn’t even make sense in this context either. I know this now.

pianoguy24: “NYC fires another 850 teachers and aides for not having the Vax by Sept 5th. Bringing the total to 1,950 fired so far by the Department of Education.
This isn’t about helping prevent a disease anymore, which the Vax doesn’t do. They’re being fired because they won’t obey stupid rules.”

Are we absolutely still talking about this in 2022? Maybe we should leave the medicine to the medical doctors and not to the piano guys of the Internet!

On Comics Kingdom, pianoguy24 has an avatar of a Star Trek insignia. Are none of these conservatives aware that Star Trek’s premise is entirely about daily life in a communist utopia? How are they missing that one?

William Osborne: “A few years ago, while watching our oldest daughter sit there at the dining room table staring at her phone, I went into the next room and texted her “Hi…are you going to join us for dinner?” No repeat of that day.”

READ THE ROOM, WILLIAM. DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE HERE DISCUSSING THE ACTUAL COMIC STRIP? THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE YOU POST BRIETBART NEWS ARTICLES THAT SHOW DOCTORED PHOTOS OF BIDEN LAUNCHING MOON-DESTROYING NANOBOTS INTO THE IONOSPHERE WITH HIS THREE-INCH ERECT PENIS.

I’m tired of reading what people have to say. It’s a good thing I’m not people.