I haven’t checked in with the Sunday funnies is over a year! It’s time to reunite with some old friends. Also, I’m jacked up on coffee this morning so I’m looking for something to distract me and waste my time! Otherwise, I would never update this garbage pile of a feature!

I’m kidding. I love comics! Today I present three old standbys; oh how I’ve missed the antics of that one cat and that one duck. Brings a nostalgic tear to my eye, it does.

Garfield

Full disclosure: this is actually kind of funny. Imagine being in a restaurant fancy enough for the waiter to be wearing some sort of ill-fitting suit with a bowtie. You’re enjoying your halibut or whatever the fuck it is you get at these kinds of restaurants. A bowl of capers, maybe? You’re having a quiet conversation with your significant other about how your day was at the Bitcoin Mining Factory. Then, all of a sudden, a dork in a shirt that has a collar, but no buttons, yells from across the room “YEAH! MAKE ‘EM LIKE MOM MAKES ‘EM!” You’d laugh, don’t tell me you wouldn’t.

Jon Arbuckle’s mom puts pickles in her meatloaf? Hard pass.

Mallard Fillmore

In this tumultuous political climate, it’s great that we have Mallard Fillmore around to remind us that the Republican party is about nothing more than projection. They don’t have policy, they don’t have values, they just like to complain.

If this IS a liberal establishment, as this place of business purports to be — it looks like a dentist’s office, or perhaps an H&R Block — then they have every right to kick Mallard Fillmore out if he open carried his AR-15 or started hollerin’ about how the bathrooms are allowing everyone in these days. Maybe Mallard Fillmore shouldn’t have shitty political beliefs!

As is tradition, the comments section is rife with bitching about Kamala Harris’ bald eagle-killing platform and her penchant for personally aborting babies with a rusty coat hanger after they turn 48 years old. Don’t ever change.

Mary Worth

I love how this strip begins with a quote from famous asshole and wife-beater John Lennon, because I can use it to try to understand this thread of a plot I haven’t been keeping up with whatsoever, and therefore befuddles me completely. You see, life is happening to Stell while she is busy making other plans of having her workaholic, probably ugly and fat veterinarian fiancé arrive at their own engagement party. But since this is the LAST STRAW, the tables will turn! Stell is going to beat Ed within an inch of his life, and Ed will be too ugly and fat to defend himself.

Did I get that right? I’m sad that I didn’t get to see Mary Worth give some awful advice about Stell dropping a zero and getting herself a hero, but check back in about 994 weeks when this story gets resolved.