Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Daredevil (Vol. 3) Issue #3 – “Sound and Fury”! In the previous installment, half the issue is Daredevil and Captain America fighting for a barely discernible reason, and the other half is Daredevil scoping out more information about his Jobrani case. It appears that the electronics store that Jobrani used to own has been repurposed to house a bunch of androids who are busy building some machinery. Daredevil infiltrates and gets his ass handed to him. Now he’s strapped to some sort of robot suit with wires attached to his face.

Sounds like another Tuesday night for me! Wubba lubba dub dub!

Daredevil (Vol. 3), Issue #3 [November, 2011]
Written by: Mark Waid
“Sound and Fury”

The next morning’s edition of the Daily Bugle reports upon Daredevil’s investigation. “Daredevil was spotted investigating the vacant Jobrani electronics building. Strange sounds have been heard from the basement…”

I’m sure am glad that the Daily Bugle is up on their shit. They’re getting really good pictures of him flipping around town. I wonder why Daredevil didn’t notice a camera three feet behind him at all times? Did he not see it? lol

Daredevil remains hooked up to this mysterious machine, unable to move or even touch his penis. He’s there paralyzed and suffering while the Avengers are out saving a cat from a tree. And then eating the cat, in Hulk’s case.

Continuing to sense the androids with his whiz-bang radar detection system, he notices irregular heartbeat patterns. He can’t get a sense of these guys. Friends? Foes? Minions? Replicants? Star Trek fans?

A fusion of soundwaves, he surmises. Just more solid, I guess. “Who are you?” he asks. “We have met,” one responds. “I am the Master of Sound.”

I capitalized “Master of Sound” because it’s much more authoritative that way! The Master of Sound’s head is half human, with a wonderful head of hair and a right eye and part of a cheek. The rest of his head is android. “I am Klaw.”

Oh jumping jeepers, not Klaw! Anyone but Klaw!

…

Who the fuck is Klaw?

“Ulysses Klaw. A man transformed into living sound. Fought the Black Panther and the Fantastic Four. Last I’d heard, he’d been turned into an electromagnetic wave broadcast straight into outer space.” Oh, ok, that clears it up. That doesn’t sound like 100 tons of malarkey at all, Mark Waid. You fat goblin. “What on Earth is his connection to a Muslim store owner in a crap New York Neighborhood?” the devilled one asks himself.

They’ve also been telling you to listen to Macklemore’s discography, which, sir, is a crime in the state of New York.

While Daredevil hangs out unproductively, Foggy Nelson has contacted Ahmed Jobrani with new information about his situation. He’s been hearing voices telling him to drop the case! I’m not lying about that one! Foggy says it right there. See?

“That’s… that’s an error, Mr. Nelson. And has no bearing on–” Jobrani hangs his head. The Fogster tells him that it makes him an unreliable witness on his own behalf, and that the Law Offices of Nelson and/or Murdock cannot help him. HOWEVER, they can refer him to another lawyer! One of those TV lawyers with much, much less in the way of scruples!

Back to Daredevil. He makes small, tiny, miniscule movements while stalling for time. “You’re not Klaw. There’s no hollowness to your voice.

“I am him. We are all him.” Klaw motions to the other androids. “Pieces.”

The androids echo the word “pieces”. “Echoes of a grand harmony.”

Y’know, Echo Klaw was one of Klaw’s soundshadows once! It’s true! Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about! Everyone knows what a soundshadow is. Eventually, Echo Klaw became more and more unnoticed and independent, causing his “resonance” to “dissipate”. He had trouble surviving without his master, Mr. Klaw. That’s his name. That name again is Mr. Klaw. “So others helped me devise a way to bring him back to me.”

So this fake soundshadow Klaw guy, he worked in secret to build an antenna capable of locating Klaw’s signal and “restoring its cohesion”. Daredevil continues to make his little movements while Echo Klaw yaps about creating echoes of himself to speed up the process of locating Klaw’s signal and “restoring its cohesion”. And he’s their master. The Master of Echoes. That would’ve been a better name than “Master of Sound”, dingus.

“Hidden here, our only threat of exposure was the man who once owned this building.”

AHA! AHA! AHHH HAAA!! THERE IT IS FOLKS! MYSTERY SOLVED! Well, that wraps up the storyline. Stay tuned when I start tackling Mickey Mouse comics and–

Oh, there’s more. The sound guys caused the voices in Jobrani’s head. Another mystery solved.

At this point, Daredevil has done enough tiny movements that he unclasped his right hand. The “chkk” sound it makes is echoed by the group of androids. “Damn it! Of course they’re sound hypersensitive. The second they hear me breaking free, they’re on me like army ants. Fine.”

Indeed, the group are on him like army ants. Fine.

Hey, I know this song! “Oh Yeah” by Yello!

Daredevil twists his hand into painful contortions trying to wrest himself free, which is when he realizes that the metal suit he’s trapped within is the antenna. Better get out of there before he activates it and Daredevil turns into mush, or whatever. I don’t know. What I do know is that is conveniently able to grab his stick. “I may not survive this. I certainly may not come out of it with all my senses intact. But it’s all I know to do. If I need them not to hear me escaping… then I need a big noise.”

Then Daredevil screams like a wuss.

The sound is shattering the androids’ senses. Daredevil’s own ears bleed as he rips free from the suit and the cords. It hurts like a motherfucker, but he presses on. And he’s able to escape! “Where? Doesn’t matter. Away.” Bits and pieces of metal clang on the ground as he scoots away still covered in cords. It’s undignified and embarrassing. He’s getting a headache. Maybe his tummy hurts too.

Whatever the “antenna” is that was part of the suit glows in Daredevil’s hands. It looks like he’s literally about to throw it in a dumpster when an explosion rocks the street! Glass flying everywhere! Overturned cars! The antenna falls from his hands! He can barely sense anything as he feels around the ground for it.

He gets it with his billy club, but another explosion hits and Daredevil holds onto the thing for dear life. It looks like a glowing crown, very un-antenna-like.

“I sure as hell hope I’m standing on the sidewalk… because I’m blind.” He literally says this. Mark Waid wrote this. It’s actually there.

And, no, he’s not standing on the sidewalk. Cars are hilariously swerving around this doofus as he stands there like a costumed lunatic.

lmao

Then Klaw catches up with him and attempts to wrest the antenna out of his hands. “NO!” he is heard to shout. Daredevil gets his bearings and slowly regains his “sight” while Klaw gets weaker by the second. Then Klaw starts crumbling before our eyes. He looks like if you dragged out a dead, mud-encased body from Pompeii and smacked it with a baseball bat.

Before Klaw crumbles into nothing, Daredevil asks him not so nicely who the others are that helped him engineer this. Klaw utters a name and Daredevil didn’t hear it (even with his super hearing), so now he’s back to square one. He’s still standing in the middle of the street. It doesn’t look like he’s going to move out of the way anytime soon.

Back at the Law Offices of Chandler and Bing, Matt Murdock has a friendly chat w–

“YOU DID WHAT? YOU TOLD EVERY FRIEND WE HAVE IN THIS TOWN THAT JOBRANI WAS HEARING VOICES?”

Murdock is mad.

Foggy has to admit that the Jobrani case isn’t the only one. People are hesitant to stick with Nelson and Murdock until the Daredevil thing blows over. Which it won’t, so don’t even try.

“You planning on not being Daredevil anytime soon?”

“No.”

Then they get an idea! Get a first-year law student to represent Jobrani! Wait, that’s dumb! Here’s an even better idea: Jobrani can represent himself! Perfect! Time for lunch.

Jobrani is nervous about it. Murdock reassures him all scheme-ily.

The devil you know… heh heh heh…

So they go through with the plan. Jobrani is cooperative.

“In the end, I give Jobrani all the ammo I have and sit back for the ride… the white-knuckle ride…”

Murdock spends most of the testification cringing while Jobrani makes a dang ol’ ass out of himself. In the end, though, “justice prevails”. The court finds Ahmed Jobrani ravishing and sexy. Oh yeah, and he wins his case. Good on him.

Murdock and Foggy celebrate later at a bar. Murdock hits on some younger women creepily. When asked if Murdock is Daredevil, Murdock pivots. “Sadly, I cannot tell a lie. We are but two high-powered, wealthy, single attorneys out celebrating our brand new business venture.”

This makes Foggy cough his rancid beer all over the bar. Murdock claims that they now specialize in advising anyone who chooses to represent themselves! “I have six of them already lined up.”

Foggy pees his fat pants.

Final Thoughts

This whole shit about a Klaw clone trying to signal back the real Klaw is some real who-cares nonsense! See you next time!