Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #30 – “The Machine City Must Fall”! Good to be back, you guys. I’m finally ready to tackle the final 16 issues and wrap this puppy up! In the previous storyline, the Three Mean Horsemen perform their change-form ritual and become adult versions of themselves while not reversing the genders again. Death’s journey to find his son is successful. Babylon and Balloon spent a lot of time together in a great open Earth learning some real life experience. Archibald tried and failed to assassinate Xiaolian Mao. The Chosen have convened for one last meeting and it didn’t go well at all. Ezra Orion gets shot and it spurs an uprising. The commoners (and there are may of them) are livid! Wolf died. Narsimha died. Archibald and Constance dress incognito and join the fray! Oh, those two.

Is that it? Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Year Three of the Apocalypse begins! And not a moment too soon, I can tell you that much.

East of West, Issue #30 [December, 2016]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“The Machine City Must Fall”

The Three Young Horsemen That Are Now Older Horsemen are driving along the Grass Sea in their U.S. Army All-Terrain Vehicle. “This is total bullshit,” complains Conquest. The blue one. There’s no war on the plains! There’s supposed to be a war! Where’s the fucking war? This is War’s fault!

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit–” War starts, but then Conquest cuts him off. He’s not being a bit anything, fuckdamnit! Don’t even begin to talk about what someone is or is not being!

“Look… we’re agents of the Apocalypse – we need to fulfill the promise of mankind’s imaginary fears. To hell with blue skies and idyllic scenery. I’m ready to go.”

War tells Conquest to turn around and look at that dead body over there. “Ah! Now that’s more like it.”

“2066: The Apocalypse: Year Three”

In the creepy Machine City of the Endless Nation, Ezra Orion’s hellbeast is perched on a cliff, snapping and grinning. The Council of the Endless Nation, whatever they’re called, have convened to discuss the hellbeast, among other things. Namely, the enemies that now surround their fair city. “This so-called Prophet can throw all the rabble he wants at us. Our machine army will hold. The city will stand. What more do you want?”

That is Narsimha (who is only badly hurt, but not dead) talking to Bodaway, the guy who is always hootin’ and hollerin’ at these meetings. Bodaway wants to feel pride! Bodaway doesn’t want to be marked as a coward! He wants to be marked as a great warrior chief of the Endless Nation! Don’t stand in his way! Rawr! Snarl!

The Council of Grumps will now call this meeting to order!

Narsimha is bemused. Broken and bemused. And tired. And twitchy and bruised. Bodaway asks what happened to the great man they once knew. The dashing stallion, full of pep! Now he slumps like an injured badger?! Yes! He’s dying! He’s got no fight left in him. “I have wounds that will not heal, old friend. Bravado and recklessness are luxuries I cannot afford.”

Put a sock in it, Bodaway. Now’s the time to be cautious and afraid. The rest of the council really doesn’t want to hear any of this. For one thing, they’re getting surrounded as they speak. For another thing, time is running out. For one more thing, they’re getting surrounded and time is running out. These all sound like excellent reasons for bravado and recklessness to me!

Narsimha rises in his floating future chair. He assures his councilpeople that he is not without plan! You see, they have army defending the city. Then you have a bajillion warships sneaking up behind them. If one doesn’t get them, then the other will! Muah ha ha haaa! And this is just his secondary plan!

The primary plan is to try a quick chat.

Meanwhile, the Horsey Boys traverse a blighted land littered with dead soldiers. “I’m not gonna lie. Today started off in a pretty depressing manner…” Conquest looks around at the carnage. “But sweet King David of the Israelites, is this not a sight for sore eyes?”

They hear the groaning and moaning of a soldier slumped against a bare tree, still alive and begging for water.

I love my breakfast with a good glass of piss in the morning.

The wretched, dying soldier asks the trio to save him. But ha! Save people! They’re hear to curb-stomp your fleshy little noggin, son. “We go the other way,” says Conquest. “We do the other thing.”

OK, in that case, he wants to be killed quickly. “We don’t really do that either,” replies War. “It’s not that we can’t. It’s that we choose not to.”

The solider looks up with tired, dying eyeballs. Torture is more their game, and they’re looking to make it as agonizing as possible! Buckle up, soldier!

“Clarity is what you get before the very end.”

Crow, good ol’ alive Crow, is advising Narsimha against his decision. Narsimha doesn’t care, he’s going to do it anyway. It seems to be in the prophecy and whatnot. Narsimha rattles off some prophecy jargon that makes no sense and could literally mean anything; all a sign that he needs to go talk to the Prophet! So let’s make with the chit-chat.

The Ezra Orion hellbeast, sans Orion, glares at these newcomers. A guard stands next to a large curtained box, possibly there to reveal a character in a surprising fashion. “Have you come to see the Prophet of the End Times? Have you come for The Message?” asks the guard. And yes, Narsimha has come for the Word and some nachos too if you got any.

Crow sniffs the air. Something ain’t right.

“The Message made flesh,” the guard jubilates while drawing back the curtain revealing Wolf in a surprising fashion. “Reborn once again.”

Crow is like “Wolf!”

Wolf is like “Crow.”

Wolf asks his uncle what he thinks of his army. Oh snippity snap, ladies and gentlemen. Things are gonna get hairy like an injured badger.

“This is the way of it.”

Who asked you, Lumpy?

Flashback to a lengthy scene of Wolf – as a wolf – fighting the hellbeast with Ezra Orion connected to one of the tendrils. They both bite at each other for a bit until it looks like Wolf will lose. “Did you imagine it would end like this?” shrieks a terrifying Ezra Orion. He goes onto to yell that this is what Wolf can expect for his precious Endless Nation. “I will march God’s army to the Machine City and wipe that blight of modernity from the face of history. I will erase it as if it never was.”

Orion waits for a response, any response. He doesn’t get one from Wolf. Not yet.

“Do you have nothing to say, Wolf? No final words to utter?”

“You got too close.”

“What?”

CHOMP! Ezra Orion got too close. Wolf chomps that bitch up with razor-sharp teeth. The pilgrims all rabblerouse, but Hellbeast tells them all to stuff it. “All of you… on your knees. Look with your eyes and see… He has eaten the Word.”

Remember when Orion was stuffing all that paper in his mouth? Well, he was an idiot.

“He has become the Word.”

And now that Wolf has become the word, we flash forward again. Crow is sorry that his Uncle Narsimha is dying of battle wounds and the like. “Within a month’s time, you will be chief, my love.”

“I never expected any of this,” he responds. “I don’t want it.”

And he had hoped fate was wrong, but here he is now. The path is now chosen for him. Wolf and Crow embrace. “Friends as enemies, enemies as the other… Cities burning. Nations falling. Betrayal… Death… And a war to end all wars.”

Uplifting!

Oh wait, that’s the end.

Final Thoughts

Yeah buddy.