Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Silk (Vol. 1), Issue #7! In the previous installment, Mr. Repairman gets killed by Black Cat before he is able to cough up the goods about Cindy’s family, which pisses her the heck off! After a tense battle where Silk, honestly, had the upper hand, Black Cat galivants away all like “you haven’t seen the last of meeeeeee.”

Cindy decides to call the psychiatrist’s number that Reed Richards provided, unbeknownst to her that a fucking planet is about to hit Manhattan.

That shit is probably going to hurt. Another ten years in the bunker for Cindy! Maybe staying away from the apocalypse is a good idea.

Silk (Vol. 1), Issue #7 [November, 2015]
Written by: Robbie Thompson

It’s 9:15am. Then it’s 9:30. Then it’s 9:51. Cindy sits across from a psychiatrist, and both are silent in this shitty, unproductive session.

“Well, thank you,” Cindy says as she walks out of the office. The psychiatrist would like to see her again next week! Good stuff, not at all a ripoff.

Cindy recaps the events of the weird planet crashing toward Manhattan and how the rest of the world is not taking it very well. Riots everywhere. People in her own Daily Bugle office are running around like chimps throwing papers (and their feces) around. “I’m supposed to be doing something about this,” she thinks hopelessly. “Whatever this is. But I have no idea where to begin.”

J. Jonah Jameson calls Cindy into his office, ready to tear into her with his gnarly gnashing gteeth!

“I’ve covered the end of the world a handful of times,” he says after the door is closed. “But this one… well… it looks like a keeper. I talked to my friends in the police department. There are no records of your family anywhere.”

Well shucks, Mr. J! Don’t that beat all?!

Jameson does have some good news, though! A drugged-up man named James Park was arrested after a car accident! He was involved with a gang called the Goblin Nation! Does that help?

No? How about this, then: When James was asked his name, the first thing he said was “Albert Moon”! Cindy’s kid brother!

What? Drugs? Gangs? Crashed cars? He’s in a halfway house across town? But sir, with all due respect, you’re a fucking idiot!

Albert always had an affinity for huffing glue and getting corrupted by Grand Theft Auto games!

Cindy goes to the roof with the intention of Silking up, but two of her lesbian coworkers are there to watch the apocalypse. They all hug in a tender “we’ll never see each other again because of death reasons” embrace. Then Silk is on the prowl!

She had tried to call Peter Parker with no luck. The kid is probably masturbating over some toast. She bids him good luck as she swings across town looking for… something. It doesn’t matter right now, because people keep needing help left and right. All like “HELP ME!” and “SAVE ME!” and “OUCH, OH NO!” She shoots so much of her spoogy webs that she’s sure she’s running out of web juice. She uses her last bit of webby goodness to save a bus from falling into a crater, but at what cost?

Secured by a web to a column of a building, the bus hangs precariously on the edge. Silk orders all the mofos off the bus NOW before it crashes and everyone dies of blunt force trauma to the bones and the vital organs. Everyone gets off the bus. Silk somehow falls into the crater with the bus. She isn’t hurt, but she’s pinned by debris.

Albert… this is all your fault, Albert… go… go suck a dick, Albert…

As Silk loses consciousness, she remembers saying goodbye to her parents before entering the bunker. They all hug in a tender “we’ll never see each other again because of bunker reasons” embrace.

“Silk… um… little help?”

Silk slowly opens her eyes to find a TERRIFYING dragon and claw-type creature lifting the debris off of her body. Dragonclaw for the win, as the kids say. Redemption arc. Yawn.

Things aren’t good though, so this is no place for a guy with a daughter to be! Go back to your home where you can both die together in peace!

Then she kisses Harris Porter on the cheek.

Presented without comment.

Silk is gung-ho about finding Albert before a planet hits her in the face. She ends up in the halfway house where people are scrambling and throwing papers around and all-around making a bruhaha.

“I’m looking for a patient… James Park.”

“Park? We don’t have a Park here.”

“Are you sure–”

“He might be on the fourth floor. Assisted living isn’t my department.”

ASSISTED LIVING?? As in bedpans and wheelchairs? She books it to the fourth floor as the planet looms and looms. He’s in room 407, but there’s mere seconds before impact. There’s no time! No time!

She finds him just in time. A young man with Silk newspaper clippings pasted all over the walls.

The hug in a tender “we’ll never see each other again because of planet-killing-humanity reasons” embrace.

The scene slowly fades to white.

“I’m sorry. For everything,” Silk says. “And I love you Albert. I love you.”

Fade completely to white. Story over.

Final Thoughts

It’s going to take me forever to get to the bottom of this Killer Red Planet business! In the meantime, I’m gonna move on to Silk Vol. 2 and pretend all this nasty End of the World unpleasantness is behind me forever! Bye!