Hello there “friends”. Today we’re going to get a little heated with some ruthless political and social commentary! I hope your stomach can withstand the intensity of some of the most controversial hot takes the Sunday comics page has ever seen!

Pardon My Planet

Depression! Welcome to 2022, where just getting through the day without slicing your forearm from wrist to elbow can only be accomplished with a heavy dose of mood-altering substances. It’s fantastic that we have Pardon My Planet to bring levity to such a grim human reality. This comic strip can really make you laugh, then cry, then laugh uncontrollably, then sob inconsolably, then feel numb for a day or two, then consider turning your phone off for a week, then laugh so hard you cry all over again.

Brian Roberts: “20 mg of Xanax seems excessive. I have 1 mg and split those.”
Kid Spleen: “That’s one hellofa benzo habit…”
archeobob: “Maybe replace your AA batteries?”

Solidarity! We can get through this together!

Mallard Fillmore

Mallard Fillmore brings a much-needed conservative viewpoint to the comics page…to go along with the other 25 conservative viewpoints and the two or three accidentally-syndicated left-wing viewpoints.

Our loveable curmudgeonly titular duck, the one who projects his constant exasperation at political correctness, anti-religious sentiments, and all-around liberal ideals, is nowhere to be found today. I suppose he rests on Sundays like God, but no worries! We have a random financial planner picking up the social commentary slack. Inflation really sucks! Hang on to your forever stamps and make sure we keep the minimum wage to below $8/hr. Let’s go Brandon!

sherlock1234: “Clinton’s team made it all up, Durham found out easily, and Clinton’s team admit it now. Yet, no one seems curious as to how Mueller/Weissmann could spend two years, $40 million, 2,800 subpoenas, use 40 agents, 19 DOJ lawyers, 500 witnesses and not figure that out. ***Hey Mueller~ ‘What’s a Mook?’”
sherlock1234: “NBC News contacted spokespeople for 14 corporations that reportedly advertise on Fox News, including General Motors and WeightWatchers, and asked if their companies planned to continue advertising on the network following the tragedy in Buffalo. NBC News is now participating in extortion journalism, in which it names and shames companies that don’t toe the leftist line on things like abortion.”
sherlock1234: “John Paul Mac Isaac — owner of The Mac Shop did an interview with Will Cain of Fox News. He first took the laptop to the FBI and told them he found some of the information on the laptop troubling. The FBI response? They told him to lawyer up and shut-up. They did not take the laptop from him at that time.”

Holy shit, dude. This sherlock1234 Deep Throat-type informant is dropping a  metric ton of bombshells upon all of us! Thank Christ I decided to peruse the Mallard Fillmore comments section, the very last bastion of truth we have within this horrible, crumbling nation.

Six Chix

Awful. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, so maybe I just won’t.

OK, really? He encounters a smiling, but otherwise banal rock, and we’re supposed to just accept that this represents cryptocurreny? Why not have Superman on a computer or something, at the very least? Thanks for making the pun work on half a level. Fortune favors the brave, Six Chix.

Hey, do you run a daily syndicated comic strip but you’re fresh out of ideas? Try looking through the news, finding something your old brain doesn’t understand, and letting everyone in the nation how ignorant you are about it. Don’t forget that this comic strip is literally, LITERALLY, written by six people. Remember that next time you furrow your brow over another intolerable Six Chix offering.

SJ. J. O’Malley: “There already was a “Krypto” in Superman’s milieu: his childhood pet dog who came to Earth in a rocket when Kal-El was Superboy. Maybe if Chick had gone with “Kryptonitecurrency” making him confused…”
John Plugger Mellencamp: “Why is Superman a Hispanic in women’s flats and capris pants?”
Barbara E Jones: “Reminds me of the effects of Red Kryptonite. In the old comics I used to read, Red Kryptonite would do unpredictable strange things to Superman.”

Oh, you guys are so fascinating. Nobody else’s grandchildren listens to their inane, racist ramblings, but you guys are different. I’m sure of it.