Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Green Lantern Corps: Recharge, Issue #2 – “Assignments”! In the previous installment, Green Lanterns keep dying so new recruits are at an all time high.

That’s really it, actually. There’s not much more to say as of right now. Onward!

Green Lantern Corps: Recharge, Issue #2 [December, 2005]
Written by: Geoff Johns
“Assignments”

Hey, are you tired of getting a bunch of different Sector numbers shoved into your face? How about Sector 2261, Planet 142. M? Where Thanagarian and Rann fleets are quickly descending upon. Their Lantern is named Mogo and he requires assistance from the Guardians even though the half of the Guardians seem to think he can take care of it himself.

“Mogo is powerful, but lacks mobility. Now that war has come to him, he cannot easily avoid it. We must, therefore, remove the war from him. His importance to the Corps is too great to allow damage to him, let alone risk his destruction.”

It’s all talk, no action from these little blue dorks. First the Thanagarians, then the Ranns? What’s next, the Americans? All these warmongers are not good for business!

On Oa, many Lanterns meet in the Meeting Hall for a meeting-type meeting. “Front and center, poozers!” exclaims Kilowog. “There’s work to do. Time ta partner up.”

Vath and Isamot Kol get to cozy up together. They’ll be the first sent to field training, and if they are good boys then they’ll get to be trainee Green Lanterns. Of course, since Isamot is a Thanagarian and Vath is a Rann, they are going to get into heated pillow fights for certain. They both growl and sneer and throw shade at each other, going so far as to point their rings at each other! This pisses off Kilowog, and he delivers some real weak threats like “don’t make me get involved, children!”

We will give you a spanking and send you to bed without dinner.

Rayner, Gardner, and two other nameless mopes are to go to Sector 2261 to provide backup to Mogo. Vath and Isamot are to go to Sector 2682 where the star is about to blow up. Isamot yells at this and calls it a mission for traffic cops! They should be helping Mogo in the war! Then he gets his wrist slapped.

Vath growls to his side and reminds Isamot that the war doesn’t concern them anymore. “That’s what this ring said.” But Isamot reminds him that they’re sworn enemies, and he filled his pillow with lead doorknobs.

So Mogo, this loser, he is not just a Lantern. He’s the planet! Guy Gardner knows this, why doesn’t anyone else know this? So fighting ensues between the three or four Lanterns and the entire Thanagarian fleet. At one point the send in a nuclear bomb, but Mogo shoots it down with his special Lantern energy. A robotic Lantern estimates 29 minutes until they win the fight, at this rate. A lot could happen to change the game, though, in that time. Like a bomb right to Guy Garnder’s beefy smug face. So desperate times call for semi-desperate measures, like kidnapping a Rannian admiral right out of his ship! And then kidnapping a Tharagarian admiral right out of his ship!

“So, you two wanna fight each other?” Gardner says, throwing them at each other. “Go ahead – I’d enjoy it!”

Gardner encases them in a green sphere. “But just remember,” he says, “win or lose, I only have to wave my hand and you both die.” Then he chokes them for a second.

“What is this, Guy?” asks Rayner, arms crossed.

“You never play Good Cop, Bad Cop? You’re supposed ta tell me to stop,” he responds. Beefy and smug.

But Rayner likes this idea, and he smiles devilishly.

Soon, after heated arguments, the two fleets go their separate ways and fly off into outer space, leaving Mogo to thank the rest of the Lanterns for helping. Especially Gardner. That guy is a real wild card!

A talking planet?! What’ll they think of next??

After Mogo’s booming voice radiates across the outer atmosphere, its ring lets out a weak “…help me…”, so the Lanterns descend to the planet’s surface.

Meanwhile, in Sector 1899, Planet 381, Vath and Isamot are clinging to a godforsaken asteroid the size of a tool shed. “Some assignment,” complains Vath. “Thought I pulled enough sentry duty in the Rannian army.” Isamot stays silent, and Vath wonders out loud if he’s ever going to say a word to him.

They both look grumpy. It’s adorable.

Out of hyperspace, a ship arrives. “Anyway… we’ve got customers, Isamot. You can talk to them.”

Isamot complies with this directive. “In the names of the Guardians of Oa, you are ordered to detour around this star-system,” he says to the ship. The ship announces that they are a hospital vessel of Okaara, and that they will not change course.

“You will comply immediately or suffer the consequences,” says Isamot. The ship’s personnel can sense that Isamot is Tharagarian. “I sense treachery,” says an officer.

Vath tells Isamot to check his ring for a radiation spike. Next thing they know, Isamot’s been zapped by some sort of ray from the hospital ship.

Take THAT, you filthy lizard! Think you can be a Green Lantern?? You can’t even be a green shit!

Vath grabs the incapacitated Isamot and warns the ship that the star they are near will blow to smithereens soon and that they should get out of the way. “You risk the lives of your wounded men if you proceed.” However, Isamot is less diplomatic, and tells the crew that they have officially forfeited their rights to the hospital ship.

The ship crew is confused. A Tharagarian has never been allowed on Okaaran property, and the Rann is clearly in cahoots. OPEN FIRE!

Then the star blows up. And the whites of Vath’s and Isamot’s eyes can be seen forty Sectors away.

Back on Mogo, the crew looks for the source of the “…help me…” signal that, apparently, only Rayner can detect at the moment. They take in the scenery: beautiful pine trees line breathtaking mountains! Streams! Lakes! Everyone except Rayner plays in the water while he hears the ring calling for help again in the woods. Rayner continues looking and, somehow, finds a woman named Alex sitting on a log smiling. “How’s it going, hero?” she says. Rayner is shocked. SHOCKED! “You… can’t be here. You’re dead… you’re not real.”

Exposition dialogue! Alex died because Ganthet gave him the ring. But the ring saved many other people. “Our destinies were sealed the night that Guardian inducted you in the Corps,” she tells him. “There was no Corps then – I became Green Lantern,” he responds. “Same thing, isn’t it, Kyle?” she says. “Almost,” he responds.

Time to catch up! What’s Rayner been up to lately? Jerking off and going to Blockbuster? That and so much more! The ring allows for so many fun adventures! And he misses her more than anything.

Noooo, Alex! Don’t turn back into a tree! I love you! *kisses trunk*

Rayner immediately discovers what has been sending out the distress signal. A vision of what’s-her-face Dr. Soranik Natu is shown all twisted up in vines, unable to move, presumably there ever since she fucked off from Corps initiation. Now it’s Rayner’s mission to find her.

Now back to Sector 1899, where the black hole is quickly forming from the explody star. The ship is putting all its thrusters into getting out of it, but they’re proving useless. Isamot, to Vath’s surprise, is still trying to attack the ship… wait… no he isn’t… what’s he doing?… trying to save them! He even asks for Vath’s help! A Rann! Teamwork! It brings a tear to your eye, don’t it?

Even the rings tell them that the ship can’t be saved. “Divert power, dammit! We need all… the power we can get…” And the rings repeat that it’s impossible.

Vath and Isamot almost fall into the hole until Kilowog appears out of nowhere and Green Lanterns the ship into safety. Now that they’re taken care of, he needs to find those two knuckleheads, but they seem to have fully fallen into the hole.

“Where’s that black hole lead to?” Kilowog asks his ring.

“Unknown,” answers the ring.

Oh well! Maybe Burger King! Who cares! Those two were annoying me anyway. Let’s check in with Mogo where Rayner tells his chums that Soranik Natu needs some hella help.

“Soranik Natu of 1417 refused induction into the Green Lantern Corps,” says Rayner’s ring. “She is not a priority.”

They ignore the ring, obviously. And now the other Lanterns can hear the ring too. The robot guy can detect the transmission from Sector 2828, the Vega system. After some deliberation upon whether or not they should break protocol and go find her, Rayner goes “no doy”.

Follow me if you want to get dishonorably discharged! Awwww, yeah!

Back in Sector 1899, Vath and Isamot are shrouded in complete silence and darkness. Isamot mocks Vath for sounding afraid, but he ain’t afraid. He’s just… you know… gassy.

With only the glow of their rings, they traipse through what looks to be twisty vines.

They shine brighter light.

And discover a gigantic pile of skulls on the ground!

Final Thoughts

I’m more invested in the Soranik thing than the Vath/Isamot thing, for sure. I hope they find her and then kick her ass back into the Corps, and then Sinestro can come out looking like Vincent Price going “heh heh heh” and then he’ll be the Big Bad. Again.