Green Lantern (Vol. 4), Issue #11 – “Revenge of the Green Lanterns (Part 2)”

* Part 5 of 7 of the Revenge of the Green Lanterns storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Green Lantern (Vol. 4), Issue #11 – “Revenge of the Green Lanterns (Part 2)”! In the previous installment, Hal Jordan gets chastised by the U.N. for breaking the international Freedom of Power Treaty by infiltrating Russian airspace in order to stop Igneous Man. What nerve! Then later, while receiving a medal of honor for being a prisoner of war after he and two others crashed their planes, a jet plows through the proceedings containing a Green Lantern named Tomar Tu of Sector 2813 that Jordan already killed.

Meanwhile, I’m not confused at all!

Green Lantern (Vol. 4), Issue 11 [June, 2006]
Written by: Geoff Johns
“Revenge of the Green Lanterns (Part 2)”

On Oa, Tomar-Tu (whose name is suddenly hyphenated out of nowhere) gets examined by the sexy Korugaran Dr. Soranik Natu. Hal Jordan and Salaak are confused about Tomar-Tu’s status of not being dead. He apparently got a new ring while being held captive by manhunters on an uncharted planet. “From there, with his ring depleted, Tomar-Tu managed to escape and fly a ship halfway across the universe to Earth,” says Salaak third-person-omnisciently. “I suppose he was seeking your assistance,” he then says to Jordan.

Tomar-Tu mutters sweet nothings in his sleep about killing Hal Jordan. Tomar-Tu has a silly bird face. Hal Jordan is suddenly skeptical about the assistance thing.

Later, Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner wait in line at the Green Lantern Cafeteria looking forward to their slop. Can’t they construct a Lean Cuisine out of nowhere? Gardner happily tells Jordan that Tomar-Tu is going to live. Jordan grumbles.

Somewhere along the line, Hal Jordan fucked up the Corps and Tomar-Tu had to rebuild it. I don’t know when or why this happened, so bear with me. Jordan feels guilty, and he feels extra guilty because Gardner has forgiven him easily for it.

We see a shot of Jordan shooting Tomar-Tu with his ring. Why? He wanted to blast his way to Oa and steal a bunch of power rings, not caring who he was leaving for dead in his wake. Then he freed the central power battery and – ah yes, ok, there was a yellow impurity in it. This is the whole Parallax thing. I get it now. Thanks, exposition dialogue!

“I spent years under his influence. I nearly tore apart the universe. Until I discovered the truth about Parallax. And, with some help, I finally broke free.”

Guy Gardner tells his daydreaming bud to snap out of it. It’s all history now. Move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom.

Jordan is worried that, if Tomar-Tu is alive, others are too. He needs to set things right.

Of course, that’ll take a while…

Looking good, Hulk Hogan, sir!

Jordan gets accosted by a beefy red hunk of man, and he doesn’t want any trouble. The beefy red hunk of man wants nothing but trouble, and there’s a lot of blood on Jordan’s hands. “One of the officers you left to die was my predecessor,” he says. “Ke’haan. Sector 786.”

La di da. Better him than you.

This slab of beef made a promise to Ke’haan’s family: kill the idiot responsible! Hey, that’s you Hal Jordan! Say your prayers, fool.

Before he gets wrecked, Gardner uppercuts this red bitch and starts a fracas in the cafeteria. That is, until Kilowog steps in and puts a stop to it. “What the HELL is THIS?” he screams, high-pitched probably. “I train you to waste your ring slingin’ on EACH OTHER?” Seventy demerits for everyone involved. Don’t forget to cash in your demerits at the prize booth.

Salaak, who has also shown up to crash the party, informs Jordan that the Guardians want to talk to him about “making things right”. In front of the Floating Blue Guy Council, Jordan makes his argument. He wants to organize a strike force to find others he supposedly “killed”.

The Guardians are skeptical. There is no proof that these sumbitches are still alive. All Jordan has is his gut feeling, the Guardians don’t even have guts themselves to empathize. And anyway, Tomar-Tu was held outside of the Lanterns’ jurisdiction, so Jordan has no right to conduct business over there. *sticks out tongue*

In fact, it’s Sector 3601, outside of the known universe, where no life can exist. Just manhunters as far as the eye can see. “It is why they retreated there,” says Blue Guy #45. “And if we do not disturb them, they will stay there.”

Jordan tries to use his guilt in order to guilt the Guardians, ironically, but they tell him to shut the fuck up. His request to look into things is duly denied. “You are much too personally invested in this mission,” he is told. “We will organize our own strike force as soon as time permits.” Which is never. Ha!

“Tomar-Tu escaped for a reason,” argues Jordan. Yeah, to exact revenge on you, as had been revealed earlier. Go back to your Sector, you impudent little brat.

It went well! Thanks for asking!

Hal Jordan tells Gardner, essentially, that the Guardians said “GO FOR IT!” Time to break some Lantern laws, Ace. Put on your law-breakin’ face.

Let’s go to Paris for some reason. Twins who call themselves Double Dare are stealing from the Louvre, and they’re being stopped by a hero who calls herself Crimson Fox. Then a guy shows up named Freedom Beast, South Africa’s representative in the Global Guardians, to help finish the job. A woman with fiery green hair named Jet shows up purporting to be the leader of the Global Guardians, and she invites Crimson Fox to join up. “France’s newest hero will be a welcome addition to our team,” she says.

Crimson Fox tells Jet to zip the lip. “I’ve seen your press conferences,” she says. “You’re constantly threatening the Green Lantern for doing his job.” So no, she will not join your smelly club.

Jet gets mean-faced and tells Crimson Fox that, no, sorry lady, but you have to join. It’s the way it has to be. In fact, you’re already in the system. Here’s your ID badge.

Now, it takes ten hours in hibernation mode during hyperspace for Jordan and Gardner to reach Sector 3601. Or at least the edge of 3600. They use Ring GPS to track Tomar-Tu’s path out of Sector 3601 and follow it backwards into the starless void until they come across a planet that looks like the Death Star. Biot, the manhunters’ homeworld.

“Looks like a factory,” says Gardner. Yeah, a dildo factory.

They dive into an area that looks like a steel mill. “How many manhunters do you think they got around here,” Gardner grimaces as he watches these robot-types work on the assembly lines. They catch wind of a couple of conspicuous Green Lanterns and start fighting. “I’d say lots,” replies Jordan.

That damn manhunter just took a shit in my hand!

Manhunters come out the wazoo as our fearless Green Lanterns fight them off. After tearing up a batch of robot jerks, Jordan notices that the liquid spilling out of them isn’t oil. “Guy, STOP!” he says, looking at the glistening red liquid on his hand. “They’re bleeding.”

Androids. Bloody, bleedin’ androids. They have the capability to drain ring battery power into their heads, so Jordan’s and Gardner’s ring power starts falling fast. 35.4%. 24.3%. So they fly the fuck away as fast as they can down the pipelines of the factory.

On their way, they pass by a group of hostages of different alien races who look like they’re suspended in some sort of stasis, hooked up to tubes. “What the hell did they do to them?” Gardner asks. Jordan recognizes Laira of Sector 112. She was the first to try to stop him on the way to Oa. Then there’s Kreon of Sector 2002. Gary Busey of Sector 420. They’re all here.

Quick as a wink, Jordan gets blasted with green light, rendering him incapacitated. “Life is an endless cycle of betrayal, murder, and pain,” says the assailant. “I ended that hideous thing called LIFE for so many when I destroyed coast city. You tried to kill me for it. But I forgive you, Hal Jordan.

Who’s talking? Some Superman-looking robot guy.