Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Nightwing (Vol. 3), Issue #6 – “Good Girl Gone Bad”! In the previous installment, a lady summons a demon to try to trap Jimmy the Clown into a permanent purgatory marriage. Nightwing gets involved with that, which takes him completely out of his Circus Mystery preoccupation.

The end is a trip, though. It’s revealed that Saiko is Grayson’s dead circus friend Raymond. So THAT means that Grayson’s alive circus friend Zane hired Grayson’s dead circus friend Raymond. And not only THAT, but Raya’s in on it too! Three circus friends plotting against Grayson! The sweetest plum.

So that’s funny and that’s what’s keeping me motivated to witness some really powerful Dick Grayson frowning action. Right into my veins, as the kids say.

Nightwing (Vol. 3), Issue #6 [April, 2012]
Written by: Kyle Higgins
“Good Girl Gone Bad”

Looking at the cover, I’m reminded of when Jimmy the Voodoo Marriage Clown was four inches from Nightwing’s face and didn’t recognize him as Dick Grayson. And then Batgirl keeps her really long, distinctive red hair flowing out of her cowl? Do these people have any idea how close they could come to losing their night jobs? I could be at the supermarket without my glasses on and make the Grayson/Nightwing connection from 10 aisles away while he stares at a pile of pears.

The circus has now made its way to Austin, Texas. Keep Austin Weird, I always say. Nightwing doesn’t say that, but he’s not quick on his feet like I am! Higgins is sure to remind everyone, since his readers have the collective memory of a goldfish’s dick, of everything that has happened so far. It’s a whole lot of nothing, honestly. Boning redheads. Psycho killers. Smelly circus clowns. You got the jist.

Nightwing is unsettled because Saiko rubbed two halves of a brain cell together and figured out that Grayson and Nightwing are one in the same. And it’s been weeks since there’s been any sign of Saiko, so any minute he could POP OUT! BOO! Hah hah. Right now, though, Nightwing is fighting a cowboy in spurs wearing the Steel Soldier suit that I read all about in Action Comics, baby! This one has giant claws, though. Also, a cowboy. His name is Shox, who is the right-hand man of Terrance Clark, who is the southwest branch CEO of hiring assassins. Nightwing followed a lead to Clark’s nightclub, and now he’s fighting half-robot/half-cowboy villains.

Shox crashes a large aquarium, flooding the floor. Nightwing uses his electric suit to shock Shox! This is probably why he’s called Shox, for this single throwaway joke. That’s fun! I’m having so much fun.

You might say Austin looks…WEIRD…from this angle? Eh? Eh?

A sweaty bloatee’d Terrance Clark is hiding behind one of the room’s columns. He doesn’t get a chance to run. Next thing we know, Nightwing is dangling him upside-down from a rope in the rain — from a very high balcony. “A contract killer — goes by the name Saiko. I hear you know him. Tell me how.” Nightwing threatens with a smug smirk that I want to dickslap off his face.

Clark screams desperately; tells Nightwing that Saiko has only done one job for him, he swears it! The guy’s phone number is disconnected or something, he swears it! Off the grid! Some sort of personal project! Whoops, how did he know that? Whoopsie-daisy, now he’s gonna get grilled for further information…but pull him up and he’ll gladly share more of what he knows! And Nightwing is all “ok” and pulls him up. Dumb. Lower the rope a few inches! Do I need to come in there personally and show you how it’s done, son?

Elsewhere, in a private room, Raya and “Dead” Raymond are going over a plan. Sounds like all the loose threads have been identified and tied up. Bryan Haly gets his circus back once Dick Grayson gets killed and murdered and dead (no longer breathing)…as long as Haly puts together a tribute show. Whatever that is. Raya is hesitant, but Raymond reminds her that the only reason Grayson is even hanging around the circus is because he was lured there in the first place. It’s definitely NOT because he cares about her or anything. She agrees and continues to go through with the plan, although she still has her reservations…

Later, Raya and Dick go on a stroll through Austin. Keep it weird! Lmao! He notices that she’s extra quiet tonight, but she claims that it’s because she’s been thinking a lot about his parents. That’s weird! Good job, Raya, on keeping the weirdness.

Anyway, they’ve been on her mind because she recently returned to the circus, too? And Mr. and Mrs. Grayson were the ones to actually teach her the trapeze, so all that flippin’ and floppin’ in the air stirs up some memories. They were like family to her! And Grayson, whose own family was like family to him, is like “yeah, I understand”.

Raya takes this opportunity to let him know that Bryan Haly is arranging a tribute show, so at least that was explained quickly.

Are you sure that pamphlet doesn’t say “THE FUCKING GRAYSONS”?

Grayson is shocked! He has no idea why a circus full of people who want him murdered are being so nice to him! “Because we all think it’s important to remember and celebrate their lives, Dick…instead of mourning their deaths.” she explains, but Grayson is awfully suspicious. “How many people know about this? Am I the only one who didn’t know?” he asks, and there’s that frown I’ve been looking for! Frown check! It’s quite a frown. I love it. Of course, Raya insists that it was supposed to be a surprise, but now the only thing Grayson thinks is that he’s not gonna get murdered in front of everyone on a big stage. And that’s probably true. It makes me wish he didn’t know that. So we could see it happen. So we could see Dick Grayson get murdered.

That night, or the next night, or, I don’t know, a night 14 years later, Grayson announces to the troupe that he’s going to cancel the tribute show. Everyone glowers at him. Jimmy the Incredulous Clown asks why the fuck, and Grayson doesn’t have a good reason. Not really. He mumbles something about Saiko and dead original circus owners. Bryan “Drunk on Listerine” Haly accuses Grayson of wanting the circus to die, because why else would he cancel the only show in about 190 circus seasons that will actually draw a crowd of more than ten? There might be TWELVE at this show! “Hire whatever extra security you want, but this tribute is happening whether you show up in Gotham or not.” Haly demands, waving a finger at him. Grayson frowns.

lol, I thought he said “you may own Haly’s dick” at first.

As they speak, police are investigating a crime scene in Gotham City: two extremely bloody corpses of a couple of gangbangers. Who cares, right? But they find a stick with a Nightwing symbol on it. This guy cavorts around town in nothing but a skimpy eye mask AND he carries weapons with his branding on it? What an absolute dingus of the highest order. Anyway, yeah, framed, blah blah blah, I hope he spends some time in jail awaiting his trial.

The circus arrives in Gotham City three days later, preparing for the big show. Grayson is on guard, barely paying attention to anything circus-related. He’s got the ol’ shifty-eyes, using his night-vision goggles to try to catch even the smallest of disturbances. The place is loaded up with motion sensors and, like, bear traps I guess. Nothing will ever be good enough, he has to stay vigilant! Rawr!

Grayson is alone in the stadium doing his cartwheels and his tumbles. He looks up at a large, old poster of the “Flying Graysons” showing he and his parents. “I must say, it’s a lovely picture of you all Master Richard.” says an unknown voice behind him. Why, it’s none other than Alfred McButler wearing his oversized street clothes! A striped polo tucked into dark khakis! A tan belt! A watch! Very sharp, sir!

They hug, and Grayson apologizes for him getting dragged to the performance. Alfred, of course, is happy to be there, but he was only stopping to say hi. Fuck the circus! But really, Bruce Wayne is missing and he can’t stay long, you know, just in case Bruce appears suddenly and needs a big soft pretzel at home or something.

Alfred asks Grayson how successful he has been securing the facility, and Grayson bitches that the place is huge so it sucks, thanks. Alfred reminds him not worry so hard about security that he doesn’t live in the moment and enjoy the (fake) tribute show for his own (murdered) parents. The parenthetical words are my own! Too bad it’s a fake fucking tribute show so that Grayson can get murdered like his parents! Oh well.

The house is packed. This is 2012, shouldn’t they all be home watching Game of Thrones and pouring ice buckets on their heads? Clowny Jimmy shoves Grayson out to the microphone to give a speech before the show starts, which he wasn’t expecting to do, so he stammers through some nonsense about “waah my murdered parents” and “waah my emotional insecurities” and “waah the circus is my family”. While he talks, we get a glimpse of Saiko leering down from way up high in the rafters. Also, Grayson’s phone (left backstage) alerts him of a security breach. So LOL to that.

Backstage, Raya, moved by his stupid speech, asks him if he really meant what he said.

Just like my own parents, you’re all similarly dead to me!

I don’t know why Raya would have thought Grayson didn’t care about them, since he never in his life said to any of them stuff like “FUCK THE CIRCUS!” or “FUCK YOU CIRCUS BITCHES!” or “I HATED HALY AND HIS STUPID CIRCUS!” or “I’M NIGHTWING, AND ALSO I’M DICK GRAYSON THE MURDERER, AND ALSO, THE CIRCUS? ARE YOU PEOPLE HIGH?”

While Raya starts regretting every decision she’s made recently, Grayson finally notices his phone is going off like crazy and starts running away to get into Hero Mode. Without missing much of a beat, Nightwing swoops along near the ceiling, above the show, to where Saiko is biding his time. They start fighting immediately, as if thousands of people aren’t going to notice two guys dressed like dumbasses scuffling during a circus show.

During the fight, Saiko decides to unmask himself and reveal his identity as Raymond the Maybe-Dead. Nightwing is BESIDE HIMSELF WITH SHOCK. “Raymond…?! But you –” he starts, but Raymond finishes his sandwiches: “DIED? Exactly, Dick…”

So that clears it up once and for all! Time to wrap this puppy up and —

OH NO, HE’S GOING TO BLOW UP THE 92ND STREET BRIDGE!

OH, there’s still more going on. I see now! Raymond blames Grayson for his death and I don’t even know why. Was that explained? Raymond throws a knife at him that cuts through the rope that Nightwing’s been swingin’ around on like a chimp. He plummets, he shoots his Metroid grapply beam, he lives.

“They came from the shadows and took me, Dick…they kidnapped me…tortured me…they ruined me. They turned me into this. And it’s your and this godforsaken place’s FAULT.”

Raymond, at this point, as you can see, presses a button in his hand.

A giant boomy explosion happens on the ground! On the ground at the circus! Where all the people are!

Final Thoughts

Go cry about it more, Raymond.

There’s one issue of this story left. Did Raymond, who wanted to kill Dick Grayson, end up killed everyone else in the circus EXCEPT for Dick Grayson? Sounds like a fuck-up to me!

See you next time when I close this shit out!