The Great Hunt (Book 2) – Chapter 37: “What Might Be”

The Wheel of Time - Book 2 - The Great Hunt

Alar leads the group to the Portal Stone. Have fun. Bye.

Verin, while having the know-how of Portal Stone activation and travel, has not nearly enough power to do it herself. Rand will need to do it. The Portal Stone is full of Stargate-like symbols representing other worlds. Verin knows that some worlds are more dangerous than others. Some might even have breathable air. Some may even just be voids in space! So, be a dear and pick the right one at random. Verin is confident that Rand cannot die until the universe is done with him, ta’veren-style. Rand reluctantly accepts this and decides upon a random symbol to feel up and try to phase into another world.

…except something’s wrong. Verin can tell. Different lives keep flickering before Rand’s eyes. One where he and Tam die from the first book’s Trolloc invasion. One where Rand marries Egwene (the Wisdom of Emond’s Field) and Aes Sedai don’t exist; Trollocs invade the town and Rand dies fighting. One where Egwene dies one week before her and Rand’s wedding; Rand leaves town and becomes a Queen’s Guard in Caemlyn; Rand uses saidin to rise the ranks; Rand leads men against the Seanchan; Caemlyn is invaded and Rand dies fighting. One after another after another after another. Straight from the book: “He was farmer, gleeman, sailor, carpenter. He was born, lived, and died an Aiel. He died mad, he died rotting, he died of sickness, accident, age. He was executed, and multitudes cheered his death.” Just a whole lifetime of lifetimes. And each time, Rand dies. And each time, a voice says “I have won again, Lews Therin.”

When it’s finally over and done, the group is shaky and vomiting and sad and crying. They are in Toman Head, but about four months behind schedule. Once Verin chastises Rand for abusing too much of the One Power, they set out west.


Click here to ridicule this post!

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3 – “No one can find any piece of me here.”

* Part 3 of 6 of the Game storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3 – “No one can find any piece of me here.”! In the previous installment, Selina Kyle fucks Batman and then gets right up in Bruce Wayne’s face during a Wayne Manor banquet and doesn’t recognize him whatsoever. She successfully takes money from the two warring Russian mob factions and gets off scot-free. Then she returns to Lola’s apartment to find her tied to a chair with a bullet through her brain.

Oh no! Some douchebag named Bone is responsible, and it sounds like Bone wants to have a little chit-chat with the Cat-like woman.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3 [January, 2012]
Written by: Judd Winick
“No one can find any piece of me here.”

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3

Catwoman looking like she needs a rabies shot on the cover. Rawr!

Flashback to a few years earlier, right before Selina Kyle started her Felina Style (come on, that was clever). Selina just stole a bunch of jewelry at a private party with the police commissioner and about eighty cops. She asks her not-dead-yet buddy Lola if she can move it, and she says she can! “But, Selina… y’gotta be more careful. There are ways of doing things that will get you everything you want and not get you caught. Or worse.”

“What’s fun about being careful?” Selina responds.

Flash forward to Selina bleeding and crying, courtesy of Mr. Bone. He stares at her with wild eyes. “To say the least, you’ve really pissed me off. Look at my face… do I look like the sort of man you want to piss off?”

Sir, you look like a garbage can is what you look like. Selina stares back silently with her own wild eyes. This craggy motherfucker dishes out his life story: mom and dad were awful, lived with aunt who was worse, grew up in a group home, his stuff got stolen all the time. When he finally made a name for himself, he finally had things of his own: jewelry, art, coins, Funko Pops, celebrity turds, and shitty comic books. “Then you come along…” Boney gets right up in Selina’s crazed face, “…AND STEAL ALL OF MY NICE CRAP!”

On the floor, a foot away, Lola lies dead and still tied to the chair. Before she was tortured and shot, she was kind enough to offer her bookkeeping ledgers. Now Boney is going to go to all of Selina’s “customers” and get his stolen stuff back. If she had stolen money or drugs, things would be different. Who cares, right? Not me! I don’t care! I don’t care at all! I’m shutting this fucking comic and going to bed.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3

Meow!

Where was I? Boney tells his henchmen to kill Selina and then get rid of both of the bodies. They size her up while she sits there looking feral. Then one of them clocks her in the mug and sends her toppling to the floor. “C’mon, Hot Pants, don’t you got nothin’ to say?”

Her chair cracked, so now she’s able to wrest herself free. She does a couple of fancy backflips and grabs one of the dudes’ guns, holding him and pointing it at his head. “Tell me where your boss went,” she demands while the guy grimaces. The other two henchmen think they’re calling her bluff, but then she shoots both of them right in their kneecaps. Exit wound through the back of the knee. Probably hurts, but what do I know? I’ve only been shot in the face!

She aims the gun at the third guy’s dick. “He’s at the Moffat Building,” he says immediately. “In that club on the top floor.”

Bone’s getting a lapdance AND a personal pole dance AT THE SAME TIME! WHAT A LIFE! Selina knows the Moffat Building, but the club on top of the 40-story building is very exclusive and almost impossible to get into. No worries, though, she’s Catwoman. She can get into anything. She can get into anime.

So she breaks in and cracks a lot of glass and scares the bone out of Bone. She drags the poor sap to the corner of the high-rise roof overlooking the street below. He begs for his life, bargains like a mofo, offers her money, implores her to think twice before she makes more trouble for herself by killing him. She doesn’t care. She whips out a bat and starts really fucking whacking him with it.

“You were right!” she yells. “If this was over drugs! Money! Territory! I’d understand that! But it wasn’t! It wasn’t! You killed her over things! MEANINGLESS! STUPID! THINGS!”

She’s literally about one blow away from killing him when Batman shows up to tell her that’s enough. Play time is over. Mr. White Knight here is going to save poor defenseless Bone. “Back away from him,” he says in his best Christian Bale voice. Like this: grumble grumble rasp.

Catwoman (Vol. 4), Issue #3

I know you’re Selina Kyle from 1234 Gotham Ave. and I would never want to smoke a blunt with you.

“How the hell do you always find me?”

“You don’t exactly hide.”

He runs through his whole spiel about how killing Bone won’t solve anything and she’s better than that and yadda yadda jerk me off. “He’ll be dead. He won’t hurt anyone anymore. And I’ll feel better,” she retorts, which is a very persuasive argument. Batman isn’t swayed because he’s a dork. He tells her he wouldn’t be able to forgive her if she kills him. Yawn.

She drops the bat and walks up for a kiss. Then, with Bone behind her back, she uses her trusty cat-o’-nine-tails to whip him off the roof. And then Batman can’t help himself! He throws his grappling hook to save him.

While he does this, Catwoman slips away. She cries in a corner somewhere, feeling sorry for herself. All her lack of carefulness has killed a friend, and now she has to answer for it.

Later, Catwoman returns to Lola’s apartment to collect her bookkeeping books to throw into a fire. “I try to tell myself it’s so she won’t be found out. That she won’t be remembered as a criminal. By my heightened level of denial isn’t so vast that I can’t see the real truth… I’m here to save my own ass.”

Yeah, no shit, idiot. Lola is still on the floor. Selina needs to remove every scrap of anything in the apartment that could possibly tie Lola to her. Pictures, cards, gum wrappers with “SELINA IS MY FRIEND” written on them. As she burns photos of both of them having a great time, she cries. Oh does she cry all right. She cries big time.

She leans down to the corpse and apologizes. Then she kisses her on the cheek. For the first time, she notices footsteps down the hall. She thinks it’s Batman, but then the cops bust into the apartment while she’s bent over her friend.

“Cops. And I’m here. Burning evidence over a dead body. Yeah, this can’t look good.”

Final Thoughts

Selina Kyle is going to kill some cops while Batman shows up and goes “noooooo” like a complete wuss. Kill those cops, Catwoman! Show no mercy!


Click here to ridicule this post!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Tagline:
Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks made a movie so titillating we can only show you this drawing.

Wide Release Date:
October 31, 2008

Directed by:
Kevin Smith
Written by:
Kevin Smith
Produced by:
Scott Mosier

Starring:
Seth Rogen
Elizabeth Banks
Craig Robinson
Jason Mewes
Traci Lords
Jeff Anderson
Katie Morgan
Ricky Mabe

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

PREGAME THOUGHTS

Zack and Miri Make a Porno came out in the same month as Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, which, to this day, prompts me to conflate the two as “Zack and Nick and Miri and Norah Make an Infinite Porno Playlist”. I’m so fucking funny.

I’ve only seen the first four Kevin Smith movies, having gone through a VERY brief phase in college. Every single one was disappointing. I like the idea of Kevin Smith, I like the idea of his movies, but nothing ever lands for me. I’m not even sure why I’m watching this, other than I think Seth Rogan is hilarious. Is that going to be enough to carry the movie for me? Is it going to be enough to carry Kevin Smith’s 500 pound bulk? I saw that he looks like cancer patient now. I hope that works out for him.

THE 500(ish)-WORD SYNOPSIS

Zack (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) have known each other since 1st grade. They are roommates in a shitty apartment in a shitty Pittsburgh suburb, where they work dead-end jobs for very little wage. They have no relationships. They can’t afford to pay their bills. Life is in the toilet.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Look on the bright side, Seth Rogen. You may some day afford a mirror.

During their 10-year high school reunion, Zack meets the boyfriend of Miri’s crush, Brandon (Justin Long), who works in Los Angeles as a gay pornstar. After some ruminating, and some utilities in the apartment being shut off, Zack has the wild idea to make a pornographic film in order to pay the bills! Great idea, right?! Kevin Smith! Part of the deal, too, is that Zack and Miri get to fuck each other on camera. After some coaxing from Zack, Miri eventually agrees to do it as long as no one catches feelings. We all know how this little trope is going to play out.

Zack and Miri settle on a Star Wars parody for their porn flick (“Star Whores”) and hire friends and willing participants, including some real life pornstars, Kevin Smith’s buddy Jason Mewes, and Craig Robinson as Delaney. Among, like, two others. But who cares. They’re probably Kevin Smith’s friends too.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Pictured on the far right is Jason Mewes, famous for being that one guy in all those movies by that one guy,.

The warehouse that Delaney rents for shooting the film gets demolished the day they intend to start production, with all the equipment destroyed along with it. This really puts a damper in Zack’s drawers, but after realizing that his shithead boss has installed surveillance cameras in the coffee shop where he works, he comes up with the fantastic idea to shoot the film there after closing time! This really puts a pep in Zack’s step. Better to have a step with pep than drawers with damper, no one has ever said.

Filming commences. Actors take turns fucking each other. Zack and Miri prepare for their own big scene, but, during the course of filming, as they say, feelings have been caught. When they finally do it on camera, it’s romantic (and, therefore, bad for porn).

Drama ensues. During one night one of the actresses wants to try having sex with Zack, and despite the hurt looks from Miri, he goes into the bedroom with her. Afterward, she pretends not to care about Zack at all. Zack lays all his cards out on the table and admits that he loves her. He also admits that he and the other actress never had sex, they just spent the evening talking about Miri. When Miri still pretends to not care about him at all, Zack storms off the set and moves out of the apartment.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Oh snap, I didn’t think a Cleveland Steamer could look so… Picasso-esque.

Three months later, Delaney approaches Zack at his new job to tell him that the unfinished porno needs finishing. Zack agrees and goes with Delaney to his house. There, Zack learns that Miri never shot any scenes with anyone else. Following this, Zack returns to his old apartment to reiterate that he never had sex with anyone but Miri. They reconcile, they kiss, they fuck, they live happily ever after.

Kevin Smith!

TOM’S DISCUSSION CORNER

TOPIC 1 — Kevin Smith!

Ugh.

OK, here’s the thing. I did enjoy this movie to the extent that I left it satisfied enough. I have no desire to ever see it again.

Seth Rogen sells it better than anyone else in that role could, but the idea to make a pornography did always seem like veiled, elaborate attempt to fuck Elizabeth Banks. I think Kevin Smith tried pretty hard for it to not seem that way, but Kevin Smith isn’t the genius that he thinks he is.

Let’s see. Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma. These are the Kevin Smith movies I had seen way back when, and all of them are seriously flawed. Don’t even get me started on Chasing Amy. A man “saves” a woman from lesbianism? Go fuck yourself. Everything Kevin Smith does smacks of flagrant self-insertion. The first Daredevil (1998) comic book storyline involved a bad guy who was a misunderstood film director. Then he flipped it with Daredevil saying some very mean things to him, causing him to commit suicide. A lot of wish-fulfillment on that one.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

“I gotta package for ya. Heh heh. A package of dick Heh heh. For your vagina.” – Kevin Smith

Seth Rogen is by no means ugly, but he’s a rather portly and conventionally unattractive fellow. Elizabeth Banks, in 2008, was perhaps the most conventionally attractive woman crossing over into comedy movies. Let’s compare: Kevin Smith is by every means ugly. His wife, Jennifer Schwalbach, is good-looking enough to be married to someone who isn’t a 500-lb hack. That is to say, I can’t fault Zack and Miri for being an entirely unbelievable romance plot, I guess, but this is still a “fat guy gets the hot girl” story. And I maintain extreme skepticism about how much romance there really is in Kevin Smith’s marriage.

TOPIC 2 — Seth Rogen Is Hilarious

Per Kevin Smith, Seth Rogen was the one he had in mind to play Zack. If Rogen declined, the movie would not have been made.

In what I consider to be a rather mediocre movie, Rogen made it worth it. Popular opinion of Rogen is mixed, but I’m on the side that loves everything he does. He’s got a natural, everyman, down-to-earth aura. He doesn’t seem like a big movie star, he seems like your funny cousin. He’s endearing and charming, and by all accounts he’s a cool-ass dude.

That’s all I have to say. I don’t hate Seth Rogen. If you do, you won’t like this movie.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

WERD TO MAC VS. PC.

IMDb TRIVIA FUNHOUSE!

The f-word is said 229 times.
Edgy! That Kevin Smith is not for your grandma!

Near the end of the film, Traci Lords is seen on a rotating bed, spanking two of her co-stars with a riding crop. This is a parody of the final scene in the adult film New Wave Hookers (1985), one of the last films Lords performed in before it was discovered that she was underage at the time of filming.
Man, this bit of trivia depresses me for about four reasons, and I’ll just leave it at that.

According to Kevin Smith in his SModcast episode 423, Justin Long (Brandon) had a cold on his day of shooting. He suggested to Kevin Smith that his character have a deeper voice as this is what he had observed while watching gay porn as research.
lol, “watching gay porn as research”. I mean, I think watching gay porn is perfectly ok for anyone! But lol all the same.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Citizen Kane (1941)

The mention of Fleshlights in this film was not product placement. However, Fleshlight would go on to sponsor Kevin Smith’s Smodcast/podcast network, and get many endorsements from Smith himself who claims he “keeps several around the house.”
This is the worst bit of trivia I’ve ever come across for anything. I don’t want to hear anything more about Kevin Smith’s cum for the rest of my life.

IS IT WORTH A WATCH?

This is a tough question to answer. Personally, I like Seth Rogen enough to sit through an hour and a half of porn jokes and flopping Jason Mewes penises. If Zack was played by literally any other actor, I might change my tune on that. In short, if you hate Seth Rogen, then this movie has literally nothing else to offer.

Also, all the romantic scenes were really awkward. Elizabeth Banks fawning over Seth Rogen makes me cringe. She should be fucking Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer for my money.


Click here to ridicule this post!

The Great Hunt (Book 2) – Chapter 36: “Among the Elders”

The Wheel of Time - Book 2 - The Great Hunt

All the Ogier ladies are staring at Loial because he’s an enormous piece o’ man. Loial doesn’t want to stick around, but he doesn’t want to meet the Elders either, so he pulls out one of his nerd books and buries his nose in it.

The meeting of the Elders! There are seven Elders total, just like deadly sins and/or dwarfs. The group has requested use of their nearby Waygate, but Alar (the eldest of the eldest of the eldest Elders) warns that the Ways are full of black goop that can steal their very souls, like an episode of Jerry Springer, if they’re not careful. Ingtar is like “I WOULD EAT A BRICK OF SHIT TO RETRIEVE THE HORN, MA’AM.” Alar is like “ok, you asked for it” and presents an Ogier named Trayal who traveled the ways and became a drooling baby. Verin inspects the drooling baby with her saidar and discovers nothing within him. No soul, no intelligence, no consciousness, no nothing. Eek, etc. Alar asks if they still want to give it a shot; she can’t stop them. They want to give it a shot. Alar doesn’t wanna let them, but must honor their wishes nonetheless.

But what of Loial? Isn’t he LOYAL to the steddings? (lol.) Rand and Co. demand that they need him, especially since he knows the ways pretty well. Like a human GPS system! I mean, Ogier GPS system. Alar is ok with this as long as they bring him back to the stedding before curfew. Loial is like “brrrt!” but Rand agrees.

Loial received a flower from Erith, so they’re going to get married by Book 11 and have a 400-page wedding. They all arrive at the Waygate, and they discover that it’s just as bloated with the black smoke as before. Rand suspects that the Black Wind must be following him, as if Padan Fain was able to tame it and instruct it accordingly. Verin reiterates that this is danged impossible, but it’s curious nonetheless.

Hurin remembers that Portal Stones are able to allow people to travel long distances in a short amount of time. Alar is like “oh yeah” and leads them to one of them Portal Stones.

They’re going to end up in another world! Probably Earth, New York City circa 9/10/01. Won’t that be fun for them?


Click here to ridicule this post!

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44 – “Tampered”

* Part 5 of 6 of the Irresponsible storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44 – “Tampered”! In the previous installment, Jean Grey, Kitty Pryde, and Storm ambush Spider-Man and Geldoff in order to try to have a little chat with the latter. When confronted by mutants about being a mutant, Geldoff faints.

Spider-Man gets a chance to mingle with these ladies! Spider-Man’s a big name in the X-Men world, that’s for sure. Superpowery without the mutant stuff. Exciting. They invite Spidey to meet Professor Xavier at the mutant school, but then Geldoff wakes up and blasts their jet to smithereens!

Storm has to choose between saving Spider-Man, who plummets one way, and the jet full of the others, which is plummeting the other way.

She’ll save both, of course. But let Spidey eat the dirt, if you ask me.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44 [October, 2003]
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
“Tampered”

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44

That’s right, Spidey. Hump that X!

Aunt May gets a call later in the evening. She’s baking cookies with Gwen Stacy, which is something they apparently do every three hours. The call is from Peter Parker’s geometry teacher, who tells May that her delinquent nephew is getting his circles and his trapezoids mixed up again. Also, he didn’t show up for class today, even before the… ahem… emergency. The teacher pretty much tells May to figure it the fuck out before he gets flunked back to 1889. Then he hangs up.

May is tired, oh so tired, of this stuff. Gwen swears to her that she doesn’t know where Peter is right now. Honest to Satan! “We walked to school and that was the last time I saw him,” she tells May, mouth full of cookie. “I didn’t even notice he was gone until the teacher started yelling.”

Maybe the little panty-sniffer is downstairs in his secret teenage lab (of masturbation). After yelling through the door doesn’t work, May picks up a fire extinguisher and starts ramming at the doorknob. “PETER!” KANG! PETER!” KANG! PETER!” KANG! and so forth.

Gwen watches petrified that this 900-year-old woman is destroying her doors in pursuit of some rotten apple she calls kin. May descends the staircase…

Peter Parker, meanwhile, is having a dream sequence. I hate dream sequences! I’m rolling my eyeballs already! He’s sitting in a very comfortable lounge chair in a very cozy library reading about the Kingpin’s downfall and eating a bag of Twizzlers. A guy that looks like Professor X without the busted legs stands before Parker like a hologram. “Well, I hate to do this to you, Peter, but we really need you to wake up now.”

Peter Parker wakes up now, surrounded by X-Men.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44

Oh dear, my impossibly-ripped teenage body is exposed to all these very attractive people! Say it ain’t so!

The X-Men all look better-drawn than I’ve ever seen them before. All good-looking and shit. Even Beast! I wanna fuck that Beast. Professor Xavier introduces himself and his posse. Parker is beside himself with confusion. One minute he was falling to his death hilariously, the next minute he’s waking up naked in Professor Xavier’s bed. “Wait, what happened?”

Storm tells the story! It’s all very exciting, but you’ll need to get the comic book yourself to see the action, because I ain’t relaying it here. In short, the X-Women save the plane and save Spider-Man. Whew, now that we got that out of the way we can move on!

“Aaaand, you’re welcome,” Storm smiles.

Parker is livid, at any rate. “You took off my mask?!!”

Beast smiles. He’s got a stupid Uncle Ben ponytail. “We wanted to make sure you were still breathing.

Parker is still livid. “Man! I am trying to keep a secret identity here!! No one respects my secret identity!! No one!!”

Whine, whine, whine. Aunt May shuffles around the basement looking for clues. She makes suspicious faces while poking around some nonsense like tools and equipment. The computer has an early-2000s screen saver bouncing around. Making another legendary face, she tries the computer but it’s password protected. Defeated, May walks away. The comic makes a point to show the glass lens of the Spider-Man costume sitting right next to the keyboard.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44

At least Geldoff is having a good time.

Geldoff is in the room and he has been thoroughly sedated. Xavier put a happy thought into his brain (probably of him eating Hormel chili). Parker, now donned as half a Spider-Man, asks if this guy is a mutant or not please. This information better be worth falling out of an airplane for.

Xavier deflects the question and starts talking about why Geldoff interests him in the first place. You see, h– *snoooore*

You see, Xavier’s mutant-tracking system couldn’t detect Geldoff. In fact, it couldn’t detect if he was a mutant or a human! It’s very curious indeed. It’s never happened before. And even after upgrading the equipment to Windows 98, the X-Men still can’t get a good read on him.

Xavier has a guess, though. “…our young friend here has been the unwitting and undeserving guinea pig in a truly disgusting, mutant-related, genetic experiment.”

*snoooore*

What does this mean, Prof.? It means that someone messed with Geldoff’s mother’s placenta! Didn’t see that one coming, did you? “Placenta tampering is illegal in most countries,” Xavier says, dropping some of that placenta knowledge he’s been sitting on for a while now. “Including Latveria, where our young friend is originally from.”

Geldoff smiles placidly.

Someone somewhere injected Geldoff’s mom’s placenta with mutant juice back in the day, and if Professor Xavier ever finds out who he’s going to box their ears!

While Beast and Xavier talk over each other with words like “antigens” and “cytokines”, Spidey interrupts by asking what the fuck this kid is doing in Queens blowing up cars? And Xavier has a perfectly good response to this: the kid was abandoned in New York or something and his powers are finally coming out in puberty! Puberty is a hard time for anybody.

Anyway, the X-Men want to send Geldoff’s ass to a few labs that will then send their findings to the U.N. You thought he was a guinea pig before? Buddy, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

“What if this guy here doesn’t want any part of your agenda?” Spidey asks the Ex-Men. Xavier insists that it’s not a personal agenda, but a necessity of moral and ethical *snoooore*. “I bet, seriously,” Spidey continues, “I bet he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with any of this.”

Professor Xavier says that this is bigger than what Geldoff wants. Spidey says that his life is more important than whatever experiments they all want to perform on him. It’s really getting heavy-handed with the morals, but hey, I’m here for it.

“Isn’t this guy going to get a shot at a normal life?” asks Spidey.

“Define normal,” Beast responds.

“Exactly,” Xavier adds.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #44

Jury’s still out on that decision, but whatever you say.

“Define this, fuzzball!!” Spidey cracks Beast right in the face, sending him flying. I laughed at that! Then Spidey grabs Geldoff and drags him away, unhooking him from the many nipple-suctions and wires. Xavier begs Spidey to be reasonable here! Spidey tells him to stuff it.

Not so fast, fucker! Scott “Pee-Pants” Summers blasts in Spidey’s direction with his plasma-vision. Spidey kicks him right across the face! I laughed at that, too! The X-Men can suck it.

Then he and Geldoff crash out the window! Escape successful!…

…except it was all just a thought that Xavier put in Spidey’s head. “Peter…what good would that do?” Xavier asks, smirking. Spidey looks sheepish.

“Peter, you’ve read my work. You know what my X-Men stand for… I promise that this young man will be treated with respect and that good, true good, will come from this. And as far as Geldoff’s rather ignorant point of view on the mutant experience… he and I, we’ll have to talk.”

Spidey looks like he’s been put in his place rather famously. Geldoff holds Spidey’s arm and tells him he wasn’t ever going to hurt him. He was just showing off! That makes it all better!

Kitty Pryde offers Spidey a ride back to Queens, but Spidey just about loses his shit. “Oh, my God!! What time is it??”

I’ll tell you what time it is. It’s time for a spanking! May waits for him in his basement. Busted again for the 40th time in this comic series.

Final Thoughts

One of these days May’s going to have to bring out the old whipping stick and cane that motherfucker until his butt implodes.

I’m not too heavily invested in this storyline because the Geldoff stuff seems secondary to the Peter’s-in-trouble stuff. This is why the storyline is called ”Irresponsible”. Little Peter’s a no-good ingrate and he needs to learn his place.


Click here to ridicule this post!