The Eye of the World (Book 1) – Chapter 2: “Strangers”

The Wheel of Time - Book 1 - The Eye of the World

Total excitement over what sounds like the most boring festival imaginable, Rand and Mat mill about the inn eating bread and cakes while the Village Council meets up in the in lobby. They’re huddled in a tight circle, close enough to take turns kissing each other, to discuss very important and clandestine matters! Rand’s dad Tam is there, and the meeting is being led by Mayor Bran. He gesticulates very seriously. I wonder what they’re talking about. Maybe where to hide the Town Whore while everyone enjoys Bel Tine?

Rand and Mat’s good buddy Ewin Finnegar, aka Ewww Vinegar, aka Ewan McGregor, excitedly reports the presence of strangers in Emond’s Field! Bonafide strangers! People not from around these parts! Why, there hasn’t been a stranger in town since that one guy who thought he could hide there, but then couldn’t because the whole town knows each and every single one of the 24 inhabitants and everyone kept giving him the ol’ stink eye until he left. These NEW strangers seem nice though. And, like, really good looking. Especially the woman. Her name is Moiraine, and they portray her as some sort of radiant alien being.

A raven startles the three boys by staring at them ominously. Rand and Mat are tired of being stared at today, God Fucking Damnit! Enough with the staring! Moiraine approaches to admonish the bird and the three boys are so flustered that they trip over their words and their boners. This particular stranger is going to be around a while, so get used to it kiddos. Also, she might have some weird errands and chores for them to do, and they all better do what she says… or else! Haha! No, she seems nice… or does she? She DOES give them each a silver coin that looks to be worth enough to buy a couple of nights with the Town Whore.

They’re all stunned and happy… and then the peddler arrives! Holy shit! The peddler! The peddler with his various treats and trinkets and FIREWORKS that will assuredly blow off some kid’s arm down to the elbow. A peddler and fireworks and cakes and the really hot stranger — and don’t forget the gleeman! The gleeman seems like he’s going to be a sex offender, but we’ll see. He’s probably just some guy in clown makeup who drove his beat up Ford Escort into town with a five o’clock shadow and mouthwash on his breath.

Sucky Funnies for November 06, 2022

Uh oh! Call me Mr. Snowflake, but I need to check out of Mallard Fillmore for a bit of time. With the constant barrage of unwanted and incessant political text messages, political TV ads, signs on everyone’s lawns, and horrible opinions by horrible people that I disagree with with every fiber of my being, I can’t bear reading more verbal diarrhea by Cathy from Bozeman, Montana. I just can’t do it. After midterms are over, after I know nothing will go the way I would like it to, I can continue to never relax knowing that I’ll need to remove myself completely from everything that has anything to with politics in America for, hopefully, the rest of my existence!

I’ll just submerge my brain within large vats of books, movies, TV, video games, comic books, and comic strips. It’s called giving up on life, son. I recommend it.


Lio

Lio - November 6, 2022

Click for Larger

Sure, it’s all fun and games until someone is hospitalized for glue-related toxin absorption and skin blemishes, not to mention all manner of parasites and bacteria in the leaves. Lio will get his, let me assure you.

I always wonder how Lio got that enormous spike of hair to stick up in the front. This has certainly helped to shed some light on the situation.


Daddy Daze

Daddy Daze - November 6, 2022

Click for Larger

The dad from Daddy Daze just keeps spiraling, spiraling, spiraling into complete madness, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to help. All we can do is watch and be completely powerless against the inevitable.

It parallels Kanye. Pretty thought-provoking stuff. Except Dad’s madness here is eternal, and his baby will never age. His own personal Hell.

I’m quite disturbed. Let’s move on.


Six Chix

Six Chix - November 6, 2022

Click for Larger

I’m going to put an equal amount of effort into commenting upon this Six Chix comic strip as the cartoonist did to create it. Arguably, my effort exeeds.

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2 – “Home”

* Part 2 of 6 of the Blood storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2 – “Home”! In the previous installment, a young woman named Zola has immaculately conceived the Greek god Zeus, and then the Greek god Hermes handed her a key that transported her instantly to London where Wonder Woman looked like she was lying naked in her bed drunk as shit. They fight crazy demonic centaurs and also a son of Zeus killed three women in Singapore after getting information out of them.

Caught up? Good.


Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2 [December, 2011]
Written by: Brian Azzarello
“Home”

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2

Hell yeah, sexy women standing in a river of blood and skulls? This series knows how to get me all hot and bothered.

At the top of Mt. Olympus sits a large castle. “NO!” screams someone from the window. It’s a comically sizable “NO!” It’s almost as large as the castle itself, that “NO!” within a spiky speech balloon.

“No no no, this won’t do!” cries a witchy woman staring into a large circular pool of water, which is reflecting back an image of Wonder Woman carrying the wounded Hermes Birdman. The witchy woman is the Peacock Lady who beheaded a horse for no reason.

“What is it mother, you sound… distressed,” creeps in the heavily eye-shadowed shaved-head Sinead O’Connor woman from the cover art.

“Ha! A thing you’re never far from, eh, child?” Peacock quips.
“Mother, please. I just thought you might need some love,” Sinead responds.

Gettin’ strange and unsettling already. Peacock disrobes, displaying some partial nudity. “Love? You have no idea what I need,” she snaps while Sinead reclines against a wall. Her mother, the Queen? Pffft. Who gives a shit. Just a word and nothing more. You think you’re so great? Why do you think Father traipses off with all his many shorties and hos, mom? His mistresses pumping out hundreds of whelps a year? Can’t be because you’re so warm and kind!

“That damnable schemer Hermes has enlisted the Amazon to protect your father’s latest bastard,” Peacock announces, much to Sinead’s surprise!

TOM CONNECTS THE DOTS! Her husband is Zeus! Look at how smart I am.

Sinead offers help. Perhaps she can talk to her brother Ares! Whattaya say? No? That won’t help? OK! So where are they all right now, if you don’t mind her asking? She might pop in for a visit…

PARADISE ISLAND! We see Wonder Woman carrying the big, hefty sack of Hermes across a beach with Zola picking up the rear. “You should have left me behind, Amazon,” Hermes croaks…or clucks, I suppose. Wonder Woman is like WHY, so you can BLEED all over Zola’s house? Gross!

Paradise Island is the land of the Wonder Women. That’s a plural, you see. I suppose this is where Wonder Woman grew up? Where she lives now? I don’t know her origin story, so bear with me. Maybe this is where she vacations? Threatening voices emerge from the trees.

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2

Them’s rootin’-tootin’ rough and tough fightin’ words!

WHO GOES THERE? The Queen’s daughter? Wonder Woman is the daughter of a Queen! Queen who? Queen Latifa? HA HA HA!

Women come out of hiding from behind the trees, all sheepish and “whoops” about it. One of them is Queen Hippolyta! Ugly name! According to Wikipedia she wears a warrior belt, but I don’t see it here. I’ll be on the lookout though, believe you me. That’s what’s important right now. Maybe it’s the studded belt with the pretty stars on it? Seems lame. Anyway, they say hi to each other.

Everyone makes themselves at home in the town square, where a couple of oily dudes wrestle in public for fun and entertainment. How about get a TV? “Hera’s jealousy is not just legend, but fact. If she knows your mortal companion carries Zeus’ child, she will stop at nothing…” Hippolyta warns.

NOW AGAIN, bear with me, because I was lucky to get a D- in any class involved mythology, Greek or Roman or Incan or Egyptian or otherwise, so I’m not going to know who’s banging who, or whose daughter is the son of another daughter’s son. I’ll likely learn all my Greek gods from the New 52 Wonder Woman, and that’s depressing enough.

“This is freakin’ wild, Bird Man,” Zola says in a residence while Hermes rests. Good to see I’m not the only one disrespecting this mofo.

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2

Want some crackers, Bird Man?

“Can I ask you something,” Hermes clucks, tweets, whatever, “When Zeus consorts with a woman other than his wife, he chooses a form that will inspire an uncontrollable lust in them. Do you remember what Zeus came to you as?”

OK, uh, first of all, sir, that’s a wildly personal and inappropriate question to ask a woman, thank you. And second of all, if you must know, he looked like Ted Bundy with a mullet wearing a chili-stained “BAZINGA!” t-shirt and clutching a White Claw.

“A truck driver,” she responds sullenly. I wasn’t too far off! “Or a pool hustler. He coulda been in a band…I hope he was that guy…”

“Apparently, Zeus didn’t have to change his form too exotically to curry his favor,” Hermes responds, I’m sure in GOOD FAITH I guess, if you’re one of those autistic Greek gods who have no social skills.

“I like men, Hermes. And I’m not gonna apologize for that,” Zola snaps back, apologizing for her promiscuity! They made drugs in the ‘60s to help with that. Hermes advises her to keep that information to herself on this particular island.

Zola sits on a chair backwards and begins to “rap”, as the youngins say. She asks about Wonder Woman’s deal. It’s a long story.

So, here are the facts, Jack: Hippolyta had a poisonous, inhospitable womb and couldn’t conceive a child. Stay with me here. One night she went cuckoo and made a child out of clay. She prayed for the kid to be alive. Are you with me? It worked. Wonder Woman was made out of clay. Like a dreidel. A dark-haired, blue-eyed clay baby. Born completely independent of penis-in-vagina intercourse! How about them apples?

“That’s weird,” Zola concedes.
“Most legends are,” Hermes responds, tilting his head back in pain (either from the leg or talking to this annoying human, hard to say).

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2

Sport is a little bitter on my tongue, I fear. Although, I do enjoy the palatable sapor of chess, my friend. Or are you too much of a dumbshit??

Wonder Woman is approached by a much taller Amazonian woman named Aleka for a ROUND OF AMERICAN GLADIATORS! Aleka can be Ice. Wonder Woman can be Storm. Time for THE JOUST!

*whip whip smack whip joust joust joust*

An audience watches the gaiety with glee! A woman named Dessa sees the troubled expression of Queen Hippo’s face. She’s preoccupied with the fact that a young woman is on this island right now carrying Zeus’ child. One wonders if something might happen if t–

BOOOM! Well, that didn’t take long at all! All Queen Hippocampus had to do with verbalize her worries for less than four seconds and BLAMMO, an explosion and an enormous plume of smoke on the other side of the island, visible from the heart of the island’s…uh, downtown area. Everyone looks in horror, including the jousting Ice and Storm whom I don’t remember the real names of right now anymore! Oh yeah, one of them was Wonder Woman. She leads a pack of angry Amazonians! Time to fight the smoke monster on the island!

Emerging from the smoke is a smiling Sinead O’Connor! A guard tells her to stand down. Ha! She will never stand down! Standing down? What even is that? People stand up, motherfucker. Grrr. Her eyeballs get red and glowy…

“Spread out. We don’t know what we’re dealing with,” calls Wonder Woman to the rest of her crew. They spread out. Like good listeners.

One woman notices a serene, 50-foot tall bald chick just kind of sauntering through the jungle without a care in the world. She alerts the others, but she suddenly gets a spear right through the gut from seemingly out of nowhere. Another one gets speared. Another one gets a hail of arrows in her abdomen. It’s impossible to see what’s happening! It’s all out of thin air! Oh god! Oh god! “We are surrounded, sisters!” yells Aleka “Ice” McGladiator, “These warriors are like nothing we’ve ever faced!”

“DIE, INVADER!” Aleka cries, taking a swing at Wonder Woman. She’s like, are you goddamned nutty right now? What in tarnation are you doing?!

Wonder Woman (Vol. 4), Issue #2

Yeah right! That sounds just like something that someone who is trying to attack me would say! DIE!!!

It looks like Wonder Woman’s the only one who is both wise to what’s going on and unaffected by Sinead O’Connor’s magic Greek goddess voodoo! “What do you expect, Princess…they attacked me first,” she says as she approaches Wonder Woman and the addled Aleka. Literally 50 feet tall. Wonder Woman only goes halfway up her shin. She has a pretty good view up her dress, but I doubt that there’s anything to write home about.

“Strife,” Wonder Woman declares, “Now this confusion makes sense.”

Strife, who I’d like to still continue calling Sinead O’Connor if I may, announces that she comes here in peace. Her brother Ares, Mr. Wartime, is not here! She promises! Swears to gods!

“Peace?” Wonder Woman snorts incredulously, preparing her lasso, “Your mocking lips spit a word your tongue has never tasted.”

Sinead, lookin’ coy, says she just wants to embrace her little sister! Where’s the widdle baby? Coochie coo! Etc.

Wonder Woman wonders (woman wonders woman wonders) how Strifey Sinead knows Zola is carrying a female child? Was there a gender reveal party that she wasn’t invited to??

Ha! Cute.

“No, Wonder Woman,” Strife O’Connor explains while hoisting her up by her little lasso, “I speak of YOU.”

Final Thoughts

Strife is pretty hot.

The Eye of the World (Book 1) – Chapter 1: “An Empty Road”

The Wheel of Time - Book 1 - The Eye of the World

Our story truly kicks off with a couple of knuckleheads transporting their barrels of potent potables to the village of Emond’s Field. They are father and son — the former Tam al’Thor, the latter Rand al’Thor. By context, I’m guessing Rand is a teenage pimpleface who pops a stiffy every time he sees a girl even remotely his age. The local Emond’s Field pretty lass with the ugly name of Egwene scares him, probably because she’s very pretty and he’s likely not pretty at all. I’m guessing on that one. He’s not looking forward to seeing her.

It is incredibly windy outside on the road, but Rand and Tam push through. Behind them on the road, Rand spots a black-clocked man on a horse unaffected by the wind. His father doesn’t see him and CERTAINLY doesn’t believe Rand. Tall tales! Up your own butt with your tall tales!

They make it to Emond’s Field where the townsfolk are preparing for the next day’s great festival with the ugly name of Bel Tine. Women launder their nice clothes! Little boys and girls hit a ring with a stick because they didn’t have Nintendo in these medieval times, much to my own dissatisfaction with attempting to comprehend living a life 800 years ago. Yuck.

Rand catches up with his similarly teenage pimplefaced friend Mat Cauthon (not to be confused with Madison Cawthorn, the little boy whom no one needs to care about anymore). Mat, too, saw the mysterious black-cloaked rider and was scared out of his wits. Rand is relieved that he’s not the only one, but they are both nervous that they may have just witnessed the Dark One — the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. THE DEVIL!

Rand and Tam meet up with the Mayor of Emond’s Field, Mr. Bran al’Vere. If this Bran is anything like the Bran from a Song of Ice and Fire, then he is going to be the objectively worst character in this entire series. Bran tells the al’Thors that they’re going to have a gleeman for the festival! A gleeman is some sort of clown who plays the flute or something, and the whole village would be whooping it up to be in the presence of the finest gleeman this side of the Boring Small Town No Real Entertainment river. There was also promise of fireworks, which hasn’t actually been part of Bel Tine for 10 years, but everyone is going to be sorely disappointed when Year Eleven rolls by without firework one.

That’s about it for Chapter 1! Are these going to be the key players of the story? A couple of travelling nerds and the fat Mayor of Nowheres-ville? I sure hope so!

Talking Heads

Talking Heads
Talking Heads were four nerds who started off as three nerds in 1975, meeting each other at the Rhode Island School of Design. I’ll tell you what they designed. They designed one hell of a band! Haha har har harhar!!

David Byrne provides lead vocals, guitar, and (lack of) personality. Chris Frantz hit the drums and wrote a few songs. Tina Weymouth was “the girl”; she also picked up the bass and brought the funk. Jerry Harrison joined the band shortly after its inception to bring MORE guitar and occasional keyboards.

The band were light years ahead of their time until they fell into the worldbeat fad near the mid-’80s. The band fizzling out and splintering can be attributed to Byrne being a complete weird and belligerent control freak. You can hear and read all about it in the many interviews and books among the members. Even Byrne himself will admit to the bad blood. I unconditionally love the guy, but you couldn’t pay me any money to hang out with him even once!

The band disbanded in 1991, only to fully reunite one last time (under duress) for a few songs after their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2002.

Talking Heads don’t have a website or anything! Here’s David Byrne’s Bandcamp Page.

JUMP TO:
(1977) Talking Heads: 77
(1978) More Songs About Buildings and Food
(1979) Fear of Music
(1980) Remain in Light
(1983) Speaking in Tongues
(1985) Little Creatures
(1986) True Stories
(1988) Naked


Talking Heads: 77 (1977) – Rating: 8/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - Talking Heads: 77

The album that shaped American punk. The album that, stylistically, seemed to come out of nowhere; in a year dominated by classic rock on its way out (or succumbing to ’80s artistic tastes for all the wrong reasons), in a year dominated my progressive rock becoming an over-inflated out-of-control self-parody (neo-prog, anyone?), in a year where English punk music surfaced as the antithesis to English prog rock (hello Sid Vicious), you had the Talking Heads’ debut Talking Heads: 77. Simple, unassuming. Almost in a vacuum. No obvious influences whatsoever. Funk? Dance? Pop? This is definitely not actual punk, that’s for sure.

I think the spirit of punk is what makes this wimpy, meek album a true blue punk album. Art punk. David Byrne’s already confident in his persona as the paranoid neurotic whose lyrics have no deeper meaning than what’s on the surface (“I pick the building that I want to live in/It’s over there, it’s over there“). This kind of ultra-literal, non-grandiose, non-metaphorical lyricism goes against everything that rock music had been up to this point. No love songs, no tough-guy machismo, no epics about fantastical subjects, no sad blues, no cheeky commentary, and no pop-happiness. It’s in a world of its own. It eschews conventions. It doesn’t get anymore punk than that.

The actual songs, of course, are fantastic. It takes a while to get into, and I certainly didn’t like it too much at first, but eventually these tunes become indispensable. Especially the latter half, making this a rare bottom-heavy record. There’s just the three of them playing — Jerry Harrison doesn’t show up until the next album — and the production is basically non-existent. Stripped down guitar/bass/drums setup with little to no flair. But it’s oozing with a weird charm. Byrne is oddly relatable as the hopeless introvert trying to turn this into a therapy session. “No Compassion” shows Byrne’s polite frustration at dealing with… well, people. “What are you, in love with your problems?/I think you take ita little too far/It’s not so cool to have so many problems/But don’t expect me to explain your indecisions“. What is this? Is this music? Yes. And it’s glorious.

Describing the individual songs is meaningless, because they’re all the same. The attitude is what’s important, and you can see glimmers of the future genius already. Once the music itself gets unnerving to match the lyrics, and once the sound is solidified once and for all as truly unique, that’s when it all comes together. For now, Talking Heads: 77 is brilliant in its simplicity. That shit is worth its weight in gold.

And, oh yeah, this is the album with “Psycho Killer” on it. You already know that song, and you already now how much they accomplished with so little.


More Songs About Buildings and Food (1978) – Rating: 6/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - More Songs About Buildings and Food

Yeah, I know. Giving a record like this a 6 would be considered blasphemous in most Talking Heads circles, but hear me out on this one, ok? Ready? Here we go… a lot of this record is kind of boring.

You heard me. Maybe the part of the problem is that I can FEEL the tediousness of taking and assembling 529 Polaroid shots of the band members standing there as I’m listening to songs like “Warning Sign” and “Stay Hungry”, but I’ve been listening to More Songs… for almost 20 years and there is just so much about it I don’t like. It’s jagged without atmosphere. It’s repetitive without the same Talking Heads: 77 charm. It’s internal diversity is incredibly weak. It doesn’t feel like any of this means anything. There are no peaks, there are no valleys. It feels like the flat, desolate highway of the Talking Heads discography.

Not at all Jerry Harrison’s fault. Adding him to the band was undeniably a step in the right direction, and the jangly interplay between he and Byrne that starts with this album helped shape the Heads’ trademark style. The repetitious jangly jangly jangliness was used sublimely on “Found a Job”, the jangliest Heads song you could ever damn well listen to. And it’s my personal highlight; I could get lost for days in that extended coda. Everything around it, though, I don’t know. “The Girls Want to Be with the Girls” is annoying, plain and simple (“And the boys say/WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEEAN?“), while songs like “Artists Only”, “I Am Not in Love”, “With Our Love”, “Stay Hungry”, they all are lacking in hooks and strong melodies. I’m surprised Brian Eno worked on this, because he’s a master of atmosphere and the atmosphere is non-existent.

OK, that’s enough of the bad stuff. “Thank You for Sending Me an Angel” does have atmosphere and a strong melody and meshes the angular guitars nicely with the non-angular keyboards. Plus, Byrne’s lines fit snuggly within the music in a manner I can’t say about most of these tracks, where it sounds more like Byrne is fighting to squeeze his lyrics in any empty space he can find. “The Good Thing” is a pretty song, and that endearing autism is definitely present on this one: “A straight line exists between me and the good things/I have found the line and its direction is known to me/Absolute trust keeps me going in the right direction/Any intrusion is met with a heart full of the good thing“. The Al Green cover “Take Me to the River” is the signature track, and it’s a very peaceful rendition if not a little bit long. Speaking of long, you can trim about two minutes off of “The Big Country”. It feels like it takes way to long to get to the best parts, the payoff, after all those romantic descriptions of farmlife, the minor chord chorus of “I wouldn’t live there if you paid me/I wouldn’t live like that, no siree“. They would tackle this subject of rural disdain ten years later on “(Nothing But) Flowers”, a song which is exactly as long and five times more interesting. BUT, if you be vibin’, you can do no better than “The Big Country”. It’s merely a slog of an album finisher is all I’m saying.

I can’t believe Brian Eno produced this. The mood is so stark and…absent. It’s a shame. It’s a good thing that the next two albums more than make up for this one, but I’m clearly in a camp of my own with my negative opinions about this record. After nearly two decades of listening to it, though, I’m fairly comfortable with my stance.


Fear of Music (1979) – Rating: 10/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - Fear of Music

Now we’re talking! Fear of Music single-handedly makes up for all the atmosphere missing from More Buildings… and shells out eleven excellent tracks in a row! If you haven’t listened to this, then do yourself a favor. It’s a real treat.

As any reviewer who thinks he’s unique will tell you, the title isn’t referring to being afraid of music. It’s showcases a collection of “fear of” music! Fear of mind! Fear of paper! Fear of cities! Fear of life during wartime! Fear of air! Fear of heaven! Fear of animals! Fear of drugs! All these reviewers fail to mention that this template doesn’t work with the other three tracks, and it’s a shame, but 8 out of 11 ain’t bad. Fear of electric guitar? That’s not scary! We learned a long time ago that the devil doesn’t care too much about electrifying your guitar.

Add Brian Eno’s moody production to the fear angle and you’ve got a winner. From the cover to the apparent mental health of the vocalist, this stuff is dark. And yet… hold on… are those melodies I hear? Finally? After two albums of uniformity, for better and for worse, I have an album with a distinct musical thumbprint for every track? “I Zimbra” and its claustrophobic worldbeat rhythms? “Life During Wartime” and its bombastic new wave swing punk? “Heaven” and its ethereal and uneasy melancholy? “Animals” and its snarling, punchy aggression? I could go through each one. “Paper” and its moody jangle rock progressions? “Drugs” and its totally tripped-out murky lethargy? Should I do each one? “Memories Can’t Wait” and its hellish, gothic despair? Don’t stop me now! “Mind” and its almost mocking guitar lines? Oh god, he’s going all the way, isn’t he? “Cities” and its razor saw guitar solo? “Air” and its harrowing ghostly synthesizers? “Electric Guitar” and the fucking tuba? And it all manages to be memorable, oh my god.

And it’s all so well put-together. It’s clever and self-aware, with not a single overly ridiculous song where the fear is campy. The fear is all in the head, man, and that’s the worst fear of them all. “Heaven” is the best song I’ve ever heard about an afterlife. The gentle guitar slowly becomes slightly distorted, as if addled by mood-stabilizers, while David Byrne gets riled up (but not too much) about Heaven being “a place where nothing ever happens”. He never outright highlights the concept of eternity, but he goddamn sure gets you thinking about it! Or how about “Cities”, where Byrne doesn’t entirely sell himself on the idea of moving to a city. You can hear the apprehension when he talks about “getting some thinking done” at the dry ice factory, as if there’s got to be SOMETHING to look forward to. And then “Drugs”, which interrupts a trip with invasive thoughts about bill collecting. Every song has these quirks that adds to the experience that Fear of Music provides to the listener. Like the lyrics are coming from a man on the brink of insanity, but just far enough from insanity for one to empathize with. It’s genius.

Instant classic. Find me a better album from 1979 and I won’t make you listen to Smashing Pumpkin’s “1979”, which is also quite moody.


Remain in Light (1980) – Rating: 10/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - Remain in Light

Remain in Light dropped on October 8, 1980. The ‘80s had barely started and the album was already a major contender for the best of the decade. Nay, one of the best albums of all time, at least in the post-classic rock era. It’s the ultimate convergence of all the good facets of Talking Heads on one album, perfecting the atmosphere from Fear of Music and avoiding the accidentally sort-of-dull aspects of the worldbeat they would play around with on Speaking in Tongues and beyond. Plus, this is the one with “Once in a Lifetime” on it; the song with that music video. Byrne at his peak Byrnian.

The album’s first three songs are perhaps the best three-song run in the history of rock music. A back-to-back-to-back sprawling urban paranoia that’s as painfully blue, black, and red as the cover art. “Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)” cryptically references an oppressive government, with vocals suffocating under an oppressive beat. The rhythms are repetitive and and in constant motion. “All I want…is to breathe…”. Brian Eno provides the bridge with a mess of bubbly electronic effects, almost to mock the narrator. “Crosseyed and Painless” slows down (barely) with the funkiest groove you’ll find on this end of the neuroticism spectrum. I think Byrne here is discussing the concept of “the more we learn, the more we realize we do not know”, pointing out the irony of facts ruining everything for the fact-finder. The music is sublime as shit, man. I love the falsetto chorus. “There was a liiiiiiine/There was a formula/Sharp as a kniiiiiiife/Facts cut a hole in us”. Certainly, the best for last, is “The Great Curve”, a contender for MY personal favorite song ever written. The jangly, perpeptual call-and-response phrases, the angular Belew guitar solos that are designed to dance nimbly around those call-and-response phrases, the perfectly layered vocal harmonies, the many melodies, the unrelenting energy; this shit COOKS. It’s the perfect song. Listen to it and be converted.

The rest of the album is a bit of a cool-down after the first high-intensity 15 minutes. You already know about “Once in a Lifetime”, it warrants no further comment. “Houses in Motion” foreshadows the funky rhythms of Speaking in Tongues, while the underrated “Seen and Not Seen” offers some weirdo spoken word nonsense about consciously prearranging one’s own first impression over some pre-trip-hop psychedelic beats.

Then comes the real cool-down with the final two tracks. “Listening Wind” brings us through the swampy jungle. Gone now is all the urban agoraphobia — replaced with cautious uneasiness. Then “The Overload”, a droning, introspective recap. The apocalyse is over, and the endless dreary wasteland lies before you.

A classic. 500 words doesn’t do it nearly enough justice.


Speaking in Tongues (1983) – Rating: 6/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - Speaking in Tongues

Obviously a step back, no one will ever doubt that, but I will go as far as to say that it’s also a disappointment. I don’t think Speaking in Tongues, the biggest commercial success to date, is as good as everyone says it is.

This album marks the first shift to predominately soul, funk, and worldbeat. Meaning, the first shift away from art punk and, much more importantly, the first shift away from the full-frontal neurotic overthinking and paranoia that makes Talking Heads so special in the first place. But, forgetting all that, let’s take Speaking in Tongues at face value. You’ve got “Burning Down the House”, which is one of the best Talking Heads songs there is, kicking the album off. You’ve got “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)”, which is one of the most beautiful Talking Heads songs there is, ending the album proper. The rest is very middle of the road. Perfect songs bookending a lot of mediocrity. A lot of filler, a lot of lukewarm musical ideas. Tracks meander and most are overlong. I think it’s all JUST OK.

Speaking in Tongues also goes back to the early era problem: lacking diversity. This is the swampy funk album, played straight with barely any room for any other style. These are some funky tunes with some care taken to maintain genuine authenticity with some synth lines scattered throughout, but the whole record has this disco dance vibe that isn’t particularly thrilling. Brian Eno is gone and so goes the extra artsiness that he brings to the table, plus the new wave-y glam that he’s good at.

I obviously don’t hate the album. In its defense, the overall atmosphere of darkness rivals Fear of Music and will be the last of sinister Talking Heads you’ll hear going forward. I think displaying the seedy, murky underbelly of jungly dance beats is a solid concept in theory. There’s nothing objectionable from what I consider the mediocre middle. “Making Flippy Floppy” perhaps has the advantage of being right after “Burning Down the House”, but I’ll be goddamned if it doesn’t have one of the record’s better beats with an instrumental bridge reminscent of the seductive, dark energy of Remain in Light’s “Houses in Motion”. “Girlfriend Is Better” is also decent, long-ass coda notwithstanding. Plus you get the famous “Stop making sense” line here!

After that, there’s really nothing to get too excited about until “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)”. I don’t really remember the difference between “Slippery People” and “Moon Rocks” or “Swamp” and “Pull Up the Roots”. And why should I? They didn’t really make it easy for me! This album not only feels like the very first step back, but perhaps a deliberate one at that. There’s certainly a momentum here, and it may not be in the direction that fans want it to be, but god knows Byrne is a stubborn one.


Little Creatures (1985) – Rating: 7/10
Click Here for the Full Album Review

Talking Heads - Little Creatures

I personally think this is a step up from Speaking in Tongues, which I understand is a blasphemous offense punishable by seven life sentences in the sixth circle of Hell along with the loathsome heretics. I own that. I don’t care.

Little Creatures steps away completely from the swampy worldbeat of the previous album. This is all pop music, baby. Simple melodies that haven’t been heard since the cutesy Talking Heads: 77 days. The production is slicker, almost to a fault as all pop albums were in the mid-‘80s. There are even twangy pop-country songs incorporating a steel guitar! And I don’t hate this! The melodies are so strong and memorable compared to half of the tracks on Speaking in Tongues that the only issue one could have with this record is the band’s alleged selling out. But they didn’t sell out. David Byrne does what David Byrne wants to do, and don’t forget it. And never mind the fact that this is Talking Heads’ highest selling album. Double platinum. Never mind that.

The average radio listener will have heard “And She Was” and “Road to Nowhere” done to death, but these are the highlights. Even if the hooks are simple and catchy, the subject matter reminds you that this is still the same band. “And She Was”, according to Byrne is about a “tripped out hippie chick” (if you couldn’t figure that out anyway). “Road to Nowhere” has a delightfully bouncy accordion melody considering the song is about the futility of existence. The paranoia and anxiety is still there, but it is shrouded completely by straightforward major key arrangements.

The twangy country stuff comes in on “Give Me Back My Name” and “Creatures of Love”; sappy and pretty, bringing the image of the pastoral cover art into music. Standard pop tunes “The Lady Don’t Mind”, “Perfect World” and “Walk It Down” are enjoyable and not at all profound. Special mention goes to the underrated “Television Man”, which features an extend dance-y bridge and call-and-response “na na na na naaa naa”s that are joyful and triumphant! Like the coming of all ye faithful.

This is the beginning of the end for most people, and while I agree with that sentiment, there’s plenty to enjoy here. Don’t be a snob.


True Stories (1986) – Rating: 5/10
No Full Album Review Yet

Talking Heads - True Stories

The story of True Stories is as follows: David Byrne wanted to make a satirical comedy musical film about a man in a cowboy hat who visits a town in Texas that is celebrating its 150th year of independence. He meets people around the town and hears their stores from, among others, a man who never speaks to his wife, a woman who never leaves her bed, a woman who always lies, a man with synesthesia, and a preacher of conspiracy theories. If this movie sounds uninteresting to you, then join the club. I’m never going to see this turd.

Most of the movie’s music was written by Talking Heads, and here’s where we have True Stories the album: a collection of studio recordings of all the soundtrack’s music that was actually performed by the band. The funny thing is, it doesn’t feel like a soundtrack album at all, but maybe because it’s a soundtrack album of songs recorded for a shitty movie, everything here is so straightforward and tame that they could have been written by anyone. Earnest pop music that continues the path set forth by Little Creatures, but watered down to nearly nothing, with the stink of 1986 — the worst year for classic rock — all over it.

Nothing here is irredeemable; a couple of songs are fun as hell. “Love for Sale” is a funky, albeit woodenly so, collection of clichés for the purpose of using in commercials (selling love, of course). “Wild Wild Life” always reminds of of the great outdoors during wintertime, probably because of a cover version used in Cool Runnings, but hey! The lyrics do mention a mountaintop, after all! And “Puzzlin’ Evidence” gets very funky in a blocky, ’80s way. You’ll tap your toes even while thinking that the songs aren’t particularly difficult or substantive.

But the rest of the album kind of sucks. “Papa Legba” would be more interesting if it did literally anything else for six minutes. “Radio Head” has cheery accordion perfect for a hootenanny, but coming from Talking Heads it feels empty and sarcastic. Not to mention “Dream Operator”, which is so pleasant and serious that you wonder if there’s a joke you’re missing out on. Everything is just fine, not exciting. Inoffensive and safe. And kind of boring.

Not their finest hour. The rest of band is really starting to get tired of David Byrne in the worst way, and it’s clear that his lofty projects aren’t sparking the same energy in his bandmates as they used to. But don’t worry. After all, it’s just a soundtrack, right?


Naked (1988) – Rating: 7/10
No Full Album Review Yet

Talking Heads - Naked

We’ve reached the end. Talking Heads as we used to know them will never make a reunion album as long as anyone lives. To this day, there is just too much contention among the band — namely, it’s Frantz and Weymouth vs. Byrne, and it’s mostly one-sided. Nevertheless, this could have been the band’s “Abbey Road”, but instead it’s just the fizzling out of a career that was on its way out anyway.

Not a bad album, though. It’s just unlike the band’s true roots. David Byrne isn’t nervous anymore. In fact, he’s pretty damn confident, and this confidence brings confident melodies, pompous harmonies, and larger-than-life production. The production is so crisp and upfront that it certainly doesn’t feel like an album from the same year that brought us the moody Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation, the Gen-X punk revival of Pixies’ Surfer Rosa, and definitely not the muddy, swampy Nick Cave’s Tender Prey. It sounds like something that came out in the last 10 years, and that’s just one of the attributes that it has going for it.

So why am rating this album higher than both More Songs About Buildings and Food and Speaking in Tongues? Three reasons: 1) Finally, we have intra-album diversity. 2) Melodies are stronger and more fun. 3) “(Nothing But) Flowers” kicks more ass than anything on either of those two albums. There, I said it.

In general, almost all of these songs are at the very least interesting. “Blind” leads on in with powerful, ass-shaking brass. “Ruby Dear” dives us into the bug-ridden muck with the something sinister that will remind you of the old days. “The Democratic Circus” is completely Byrnian political commentary with uneasy, watery guitar picking and slow-burn phrases culminating into menacing crescendos. “Mommy Daddy You and I” follows a family immigrating by bus on a cold, bumpy road driven by minor-key ska accordion. This song is a guilty pleasure, and paints the biggest picture after the genius “(Nothing But) Flowers”. The album closes with “Cool Water”, building slowly and thoughtfully on a calm, “speaking” singing style. A fitting end for a long, legendary career.

Stylistically, it doesn’t feel like Talking Heads. But so what? The songs are mostly good, and the album is entirely underrated. Give me this over Speaking in Tongues any day of the week.