The Dragon Reborn (Book 3) – Chapter 28: “A Way Out”

The Wheel of Time - Book 3 - The Dragon Reborn

Mat chapter time! He’s just sitting in his room munching away on TV dinners when Egwene, Nynaeve, and Elayne enter the room unannounced. Mat can’t decide if he should be unnerved or if he should pop a boner. The three of them smile at him like they want something. They compliment his improving condition like they want something. It’s because they all want something, and Mat is wise to their sly trickeries.

Nynaeve has a favor for Mat! Well, actually, it’s Elayne’s favor. She needs him to carry letter to Queen Morgase in Caemlyn. She then gives him a heart-melting smile that causes him to get momentarily squishy in the legs. Then he asks what’s in it for him. Elayne says the pride of doing work for the Daughter-Heir of Andor should be reward enough, and Mat snickers. Nynaeve lifts Mat by the scruff and tells him that he’ll be out of Tar Valon; that’s what’s in it for him.

Mat can’t, though. The Aes Sedai and the guards are keeping him in because he’ll die of starvation in two hours if he doesn’t stay in his room. Nynaeve channels through his head to check his condition, which is probably more than fine, and decides that Mat is fit enough to get the fudge out of there. Nynaeve produces one of their Do-What-The-Amyrlin-Says cards, to Mat’s surprise, and it shall surely get him out of the city tout suite.

They talk of Emond’s Field for a bit, getting misty-eyed and homesick. Then Mat thanks them all and plans his escape!

Mat’s going to survive by stealing loaves of bread and playing at dice, besides! That’s how you write like Robert Jordan, friends.


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Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960 – “Path of Doom (Part 4)”

* Part 4 of 6 of the Path of Doom storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960 – “Path of Doom (Part 4)”! In the previous installment, Clark Kent can’t fly and he can’t help and he fell and broke his damn arm like a complete wuss. Superman is losing the battle against Doomsday. This universe’s Lex Luthor appears willing to legitimately help, which is TOTALLY BIZZARO! So to speak.

Lois and Jon are watching the fight at home even though Lois doesn’t want to show Jon the utter CARNAGE, but Jon is totally whooping it up. But then Superman fucks up and causes the whole city block to explode! And now he seems to be missing, just in time for Doomsday to take the fuck over and wreak more havoc!

And I’ve got a cake in the oven! ACTION!

Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960 [September, 2016]
Written by: Dan Jurgens
“Path of Doom (Part 4)”

Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960

Cover art tells me that Wonder Woman needs to jump in and save the day. Always picking up after Superman’s mess. He should pay her $150,000,000 for her time and efforts. Sell the Fortress of Solitude. Oh wait, that’s worth $20.

Mr. Robe, watching the action on his screens, is happy with the progression of events so far. Superman buried under rubble caused by Doomsday’s destruction while the wife and kid watch AND, if you can believe it, a second Clark Kent flailing around the scene. One who has no powers. One who is likely from Earth, just like the rest of the slobs populating the planet.

Before Doomsday has a chance to crush Clark into paste, Wonder Woman swoops down, scoops up the hapless nerd, and flies him away to safety. Or jumps around; I don’t think Wonder Woman can fly. She can just lasso you with her rope and learn all your dirty sex secrets.

Clark Kent wonders what Wonder Woman is doing here. Wonder Woman wonders what Clark Kent is doing here. The Wondering Woman says she’ll explain her end later once they find a bandaid and a lollipop for Clark. The guy’s arm is broken, as we know, and that’s more than enough evidence to show that he’s not actually Superman. Wonder Woman rips the sleeve off from Clark’s impossibly muscular arm and fashions a makeshift sling for the other arm. Good job, Wonder Woman! He’s fixed!

Superman erupts from out of the rubble and screams Doomsday’s name. Like this: “DOOMSDAY!” He goes back to fighting, which is boring, but Jon Kent doesn’t seem to think so. He rallies from the comfort of his farmhouse, pumping his fist in glee. “Dad is back an’ he’s got help!”

Superman punches the stone guy in the face like it’ll do anything. 3,272 blows to the face in three seconds and all it does it scrape up Superman’s porcelain, velvety knuckles. Wonder Woman enters the fray while Doomsday grabs Superman’s little peanut head with one rocky hand.

Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960

Like Shaq palming a basketball.

In one motion, Wonder Woman grabs Doomsday’s other hand and throws him across the street. She doesn’t even break a sweat, it was like throwing a wad of paper in the garbage can. “Diana,” says Superman. “Good to see you again.” And Wonder Woman says “fuck off, cunt.”

No, she’s happy to see him, too. Or there’s something in her pocket. At any rate, the two of them are rejuvenated and ready to continue fighting. Wonder Woman mentions her surprise about the human Clark Kent, to which Superman responds with “yeah, ain’t that a friggin’ pickle?” He lifts up the ruins of a subway railcar. “I have no idea who he is or where he came from,” he claims.

Doomsday throws a van. Wonder Woman blocks it with her shield. “All that matters – is taking this beast down!”

Superman slams a whole railcar on Doomsday’s face. KRAMM! “Try this!” says Superman. The force is so strong that it creates a hole in the Earth deep enough to pee in and never hear the trickle. OK, new tactics! Let’s find a way to get Doomsday out of the city before he murders all the citizens. Meanwhile, Jon Kent yells “YES!” so loud that he shatters the living room window. This draws the attention of Doomsday about 450 miles away.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Lois says nonplussed. “We’ll keep working on helping you control your abilities so they don’t hear you in the next county. Or state.”

Superman, down in the hole, mansplains to Wonder Woman that Doomsday is capable of killing anyone and that he must be stopped. However, Wonder Woman astutely observes that Doomsday is no longer in the hole. Superman is like “IMPOSSIBLE!” Wonder Woman is like “use your eyes, dipshit.”

Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960

He pranced off to go bake some apology cookies.

SuperLex swoops into the mix. “You owe me an explanation. Both of you, in fact.”

The news report says that Doomsday disappeared from Metropolis, which pleases Jon profusely. “That bony ol’ monster was so chicken he ran away? Sweet!”

Nein! Doomsday is bouncing – literally bouncing away from Metropolis and toward the farm. Lois is disconcerted. Definitely not concerted. “Something’s wrong,” she thinks while Jon continues thinking the fight is over. I’m like, not yet kiddo! There are still two and a half issues left of the story!

“Don’t make demands of me, Luthor,” say Superman all tough-guy like. “EVER.” Wonder Woman tells Lex that Doomsday is mean. Superman goes over Doomsday’s history, which I can summarize as follows: Doomsday is a 250,000-year-old scientific experiment in which a being was created to survive anything. This was caused by repeatedly killing a baby until the baby couldn’t die anymore. Lex thinks this is genius. I think it’s fucked up.

Jimmy Olsen is ejaculating over Wonder Woman’s presence. “Think the whole League will be here?”

Wonder Woman asks if killing Doomsday will just mean he’ll reappear again. And all this dying and living and dying and living has taught him to hate Kryptonians for some reason! Hey! Wait a minute! Jon Kent is Kryptonian!

Action Comics (Vol. 1), Issue #960

Jon Bon Jovi, of course! We need to stop Doomsday before we lose a national treasure!

FOOOOSH! Superman flies away to return home before Doomsday shows up to his house to sit on the roof and then fart really hard on the house, crumbling it into teeny tiny splinters.

Lois’ intuition has reached a conclusion. “Get in the truck,” she orders her son. “NOW!” Then Lois drives like a crazy woman to get as far from the house as possible, but too bad Doomsday travels 45 miles of distance between bounces.

On the other hand, Superman travels 45 miles of distance in two nanoseconds, and since he used his Car Finding Powers he was able to leap right in front of the truck, scaring the bejeesus out of Lois. “Don’t worry. I have you,” he says after Lois suffers a major coronary infarction.

Jon Kent gets to meet the wondrous Wonder Woman. Lois says it’s good to see Wonder Woman again even though she and Superman have been fucking each other for decades. They have a warm heart-to-heart about being friends now which makes me groan and moan and shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails just to distract myself from the pain.

“Doomsday would never run away,” Superman tells Lois, and she had thought the same thing, obviously.

“I’m glad you’re here with us,” says Lois.

“If he doesn’t show, which I hope is the case – I’ll have to go looking for him,” says Superman with a face of DETERMINATION.

They say they love each other, which prompts me to grab more bamboo shoots, but they are interrupted by a huge-ass BRAM! noise in the woods. Superman instructs his family to drive as fast and as far away as possible, and in the distance they all see Doomsday and Wonder Woman running up toward one another. Superman yells again to GO! GO! GO ALREADY, IDIOTS!

“I know what I have to do,” Superman thinks as Wonder Woman gets clocked in the mug so hard that other people’s teeth shatter.

Final Thoughts

BETTER CALL IN AQUAMAN WITH HIS SQUIRT GUN! It’s going to take more than brawn to beat Doomsday. You need brains. You need Lex Luthor brains, and he’s going to make some sort of mousetrap that’ll knock Doomsday’s dick right in the dirt.


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The Death Knight’s Squire, Chapter 6 – The Man and the Hole

Dungeons & Dragons is the world’s most famous tabletop role-playing game. There are elves and dice and dungeon masters who wear capes. I’m embarrassed for even playing this.

Disclaimer: I’m learning as I go. There is a 100% chance that I’ll fuck up, not take something seriously enough, and piss you off to no end. Get over it.

Welcome to Dungeons & Dragons – The Death Knight’s Squire! Last time our hero, Milhouse the Scholar, had a not completely unpleasant run-in with the Blood Knight. He’s accepted a quest from this mysterious, scary figure, probably because he would be murdered by a sword if he didn’t pretend he was excited about it.

“Excellent, mortal! You have pleased me well. I would complete this task myself, but until the Goddess’s arrival I cannot risk standing in sunlight. As soon as Kiaransalee comes, she will grant me physical form. Then, for a time, I may roam free. Now go, fulfill your destiny!!!”

Uhh… not sure I want to touch this sword… seems like it will send me to Hell. Or Bayonne, New Jersey.

Milhouse gets released from whatever spell he was under that caused him to be frozen in his tracks and listen to the Blood Knight’s inexcusable long-windedness and mansplaining. The Blood Knight returns a state of inanimate objectness, so to speak. Still shaken from the encounter, Milhouse exits the house and finds all his belongings neatly arranged in a pile. That’s awfully convenient! Not a thing is missing! It’s almost as if it would have made sense to leave everything in the house! Oh well!

He picks up his newly acquired sword, his sack o’ stuff, and his bearings, and sets off for more adventure!

-Milhouse adds the Sword of Goddess’ Wrath to his inventory. It does 1d8 of slashing damage + 1d4 of fire damage, and it gives a +2 bonus on attack rolls against any undead creature. Far out, man.

-Shit, I forget that I have a +5 attack bonus on any cast spells. I could have defeated those Giant Wolf Spiders after all! Good thing I “did”, heh heh heh.

Shaking himself, thinking it all might have been a dream, Milhouse continues heading north along the path in the wood. He lets his guard down about possible traps since he has spent hours traversing through long stretches without incident. Eventually, he comes across a strange man wandering along the path. Bolstering his boldness and, with a complete lack of social anxiety, Milhouse strikes up a conversation with the man. He seems friendly enough, Milhouse observes. “Do you live here in Weathercote Wood?” he asks the man, obviously hitting him up with a hot meal and a feathered bed like a mooch. “I do,” he responds with a twinkle in his eye. Sounds like this man has an appetite for short little elves. He mentions an ability to talk to the wood; the birds, the deer, the trees. “They are all my friends.”

Milhouse notices several other weird things about this guy. He has the slimness and height of a halfling, but he has a deep, soothing baritone voice like Nick Cave! Plus, Milhouse now realizes that the man is resting his feet on what looks like the head of crumbled statue. Curiosity killed the cat, but Milhouse can’t help himself. “What is that statue that your rest your feet on, friend?”

Nothing to see here, folks. Haven’t you ever seen a man lounging on the head of a statue before?

Awfully presumptuous to call this man “friend”, don’t you think? The man thinks so, too. He furrows his brow and asks Milhouse what he’s doing here and what he wants. “You come here and disturb my reverie? How dare you?!” The man points to the statue. “You’ll suffer the same fate as him if you’re not careful, my friend!”

Eep! Milhouse is taken aback by the sudden gruffness. The man now sounds like Birthday Party-era Nick Cave. “I meant nothing by it, friend. Just curious,” Milhouse says meekly, but the man does not accept the apology. He asks Milhouse to be on his way immediately. Not wanting to UNLEASH THE BEAST any further, Milhouse leaves the odd, aggressive man to himself and continues on his way. He goes around a bend cut into the wood by a small river and continues on, instilling his earlier cautiousness after the less than ideal run-in with the man.

-Stealth check (D10) = 10 + 3 = 13. Stealthy it is. He checks for traps (Roll Perception D9 = 19 + 0 = 19 = Success! No traps found.

After kicking trees and scraping the ground a bit, Milhouse determines that it’s safe to press on. Eventually, he finds a clearing that looks like a good place to rest. After all that Blood Knight business (and after almost having to fight a man to the death, probably, maybe, not really), Milhouse needs to soothe his aching bones! Finding a nice, sturdy hollow tree truck, he unfurls his bedroll and gets cozy. The provisions are scarce and hunger hasn’t set in, so he feels like he could go another day or so without his stomach eating himself. Milhouse lies down and quickly falls asleep to the gentle sound of the wind whispering through the wood…

…and has the most refreshing sleep of his life.

-Milhouse recovers 1 hit die and all of his hit points, which means… uh… he recovers completely from that strenuous spider fight… yeah…

Encouraged by the newfound pep in his step, Milhouse explores the clearing. Sticks, twigs, wildlings running around all willy-nilly. Milhouse pauses and soaks in the sights. Perhaps one day he’d like to settle down here in Weathercote Wood… as long as strange men resting on statues don’t harass him. The idea dissipated as soon as it entered his mind.

Milhouse is an idiot and will not first send in a canary.

Milhouse discovers a large, elongated hole in the ground in the area. Not one to shy away from sinister-looking holes in the ground, Milhouse approaches it, edges forward every so slowly, and peers down into its depthy blackness. Hmm… part of Milhouse wants to back away and forget about the hole, but the more adventurous part of him wants to bungee down that hole while screaming in ecstasy. Meeting the middle ground, Milhouse carefully climbs down into the hole. After a litany of tumbling stones and rocky grabs, he reaches a dark bottom and winds through a burrow that gets darker and darker as he progresses…

…but then he sees a light! There is definitely something ahead. Milhouse continues, realizing he’s travelling through an old, abandoned mine. Rusted equipment, such as pickaxes and excavators, lie against the walls. But ahead, oh ho, but ahead a fire burns in a brazier. Whatever that is! *checks dictionary* A barbecue. Is someone nearby…? The brazier brings a very comfortable warmth to the cavern, but it’s still quite unsettling that the place seems to be recently inhabited… or even currently inhabited! Oh no!

More investigating reveals a small recess in a cavern wall that holds a locked chest, a small stack of scrolls and books, a pile of random items such as silver goblets, scattered jewelry, even paintings leaning against the wall. One of the scrolls appears to be a map of the mine. Milhouse now realizes that he has stumbled upon a thieves’ den, and is torn between running away as quickly as his little elf legs can carry him, or staying put and exploring more. A conundrum to say the least.

But that will be a decision for another time, my friends! What will Milhouse do? I hope you don’t lose sleep over this fuckery.


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The Dragon Reborn (Book 3) – Chapter 27: “Tel’aran’rhiod”

The Wheel of Time - Book 3 - The Dragon Reborn

Kitchen duty! The girls are scrubbing pots and pans and mopping floors and cleaning microwaves. Verin steps into the kitchen wide-eyed like she just entered the mothership and asks loudly if the girls had found anything out yet. The answer is: shut up. Other Aes Sedai enter for various legitimate reasons, and Egwene suspects every single damn one of them for being a rotten Black Ajah piece of shit.

Later they all retire to Egwene’s room. Elayne talks about wanting a Green Ajah orgy, and Egwene knows that Elayne wants to bone Rand. After this brief diversion, Egwene is ready to use her ter’angreal ring. They discuss the possible benefits of all three using it at once, but Egwene is insistent that she wants the two of them watching her in case things go awry. Egwene goes to sleep and OH BOY ANOTHER DREAM SEQUENCE.

This one is better though, because it’s kinda like lucid dreaming. She’s in a pretty meadow, wearing a pretty dress, and decides that this isn’t as scary as Verin made it out to be. No way that it’s actually dangerous, you know?

She finds Perrin chained to a pillar with a large wolf nearby. The wolf bares its fangs at Egwene, and Egwene desperately tries to get Perrin’s attention before the wolf attacks and hurts/kills her in real life. Perrin snaps out of stupor, says “No! Egwene”, and then a door suddenly slams in Egwene’s face.

The next part of the dream involves Rand, who appears to be dreaming himself and is very wary of any visitors. He’s downright rude is what he is, yelling at Egwene to go away, filthy harpy! His own mother offered him a poisoned cake. His own father had brandished a knife. And some other woman offered KISSES! Rand cannot be swayed by kisses! Not anymore!

Egwene runs away and desperately asks her ring for some real answers. She opens her eyes and she’s in a large, domed chamber. A hideous old woman named Silvie shows up, recognizing Egwene even though Egwene doesn’t recognize her. Silvie says here in the Heart of the Stone there are all sorts of great, lovely answers that she seeks! She calls Ishamael, one of the Forsaken, a fool, and encourages Egwene to do the same. She complies and calls the Dark One a fool. She gets giddy about that.

There’s a sword hovering in the air. Callandor, the Sword That Is Not a Sword, the Sword That Cannot Be Touched, the Sword That Looks Like a Penis. Egwene reaches out with her saidar and discovers that there seems to be a barrier over the sword that is woven with both saidar AND saidin. So a man and a woman must joing forces, eh? Fun! Jon Arbuckle and MJ Watson is my guess.

Egwene tries to leave but she can’t. Silvie taunts her mildly, saying that she shouldn’t be here if she can’t get out. Then Silvie tells her not to worry, that she’ll put her back safely in her bed. Then Egwene shrieks in pain like Silvie stuck a red hot poker up her vagina.

Egwene wakes up to find no visible injuries. Elayne and Nynaeve report that Egwene never moved or muttered in her sleep, so they couldn’t tell anything was amiss. Egwene then speaks of Callandor in the Heart of the Stone in Tear, so now they know where the Black Ajah are going for sure. They all discuss making arrangements to leave for Tear. Elayne wants to send a letter to her mother, and Nynaeve has the perfect person to do it for her. Someone who is in the city and wants to leave anyway.

Someone with a Mat-y type name.

Someone who looks rather Cauthon-y

Someone like Galad! LOL!

What a long writeup. Sorry, folks! My typing fingers are itchy!


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Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56 – “Hollywood (Part 3)”

* Part 3 of 6 of the Hollywood storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56 – “Hollywood (Part 3)”! In the previous installment, the shooting of the movie continues and both Parker’s and Gwen’s sulkiness knows no bounds. The former because he’s being a grump about his likeness and story being made very public, the latter because she’s still salty about the whole dead dad thing. It’s like, gag me with a spoon.

Oh yeah, and Gwen is being followed and no one knows why yet.

Doc Ock interrupts movie production by being a silly nuisance and now he and Spider-Man are in a standoff! Shhhh, let’s be quiet and watch the action already in progress…

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56 [June, 2004]
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
“Hollywood (Part 3)”

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56

OK, so no progression on the standoff yet, but the Parker household is surrounded by unmarked government-type vehicles. A stakeout, if you will, and as the daughter of a (FORMER LOL) cop, she knows a stakeout when she sees one! And this right here is a bonafide stakeout!

I think the feds that are skulking around notice that Gwen is staring at all of them, so they book it back to their cars and peel out. This makes Gwen extra suspicious, but right now, as it stands, she wonders if Aunt May is up to something…

OK, standoff time! “DIE! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!” Ock screams as he tries to pummel Spider-Man into paste. “Why are you here, Parker?? Why are you everywhere I am?!”

Simple. So-o-o-meone’s got a cru-u-u-u-ush!

Tobey Maguire is hunkering down with Raimi and Arad while watching the fray and wondering what Ock just called Spidey. “Something ‘er’” they heard, and it ain’t “fucker”. But Maguire seems to think so!

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56

I’m so verklempt that I’m schvitzing over here!

More fighting happens. Spidey asks his foe how he busted outta da joint. Ock doesn’t answer, of course, because he’s not dumb, and he’s got the upper hand (or arms, if you will) in this fight. He’s handing Spidey his own tuchus. Pretty soon Spidey gets thrown right in fromt of Raimi, Arad, and Maguire, who are still huddling scared out of their meager wits!

“We should leave…” says Raimi.

“I can’t move my legs,” says Arad.

“I’m f-f-fine here,” whimpers Maguire.

By now, Ock’s got Spidey wrapped around by two arms, one is punching him in the face, and one homes in on him with electricity. ZZAATTCC! That’s gotta hurt! *laughtrack, Seinfeld music plays*

“We didn’t come here looking for you, Parker,” Ock says, referring to himself as “we” again, as Spidey is thoroughly trapped by squiggly metal arms. “But we are absolutely delighted at the opportunity you have presented with us.”

Maguire’s stunt double smashes Ock in the back of the head with what can only be described as a VERY expensive camera. The double is named Leroy, and he’s majorly pissed at Ock for interrupting production and keeping him from earning his $11 per hour.

But Leroy gets thrown out of the way, the pesky little gnat, and Spidey continues sucking and holding off the metal octopus guy.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56

Boo! Get off the stage!

Let’s get back to Gwen. She’s reading on the toilet – probably a big batch of Archie comics! — when the doorbell rings. Luckily, it’s not some menacing manly man with a pipe, but it’s that redhead. Not Archie! MJ! Keep up, this is Spider-Man, dingus.

“Hello, Gorgeous!!” MJ yells happily when Gwen answers the door. “Yes, it is me! ‘Tis me, Mary Jane Watson, back from the torment of my eternal grounding! I am no longer among those not allowed to leave their room. I am now a free woman.”

MJ happily reports to Gwen that her mother has kicked her stupid, mean, meany pants father out of the house! Can you dig it? He up and left. Packed his shit. Bye bye, daddy. Eat a butt., grounding time is officially over. Now where’s Peter? Aunt May is in Florida, so anything goes! MJ wants him to stick his dick inside her somewhere! Where’s the scamp? Come on out, now! MJ’s gonna getcha!

“He’s not here,” MJ realizes.

“He’s not here,” Gwen confirms.

“So, that’s that then.”

“He’s at work, right?”

Now that we’ve officially failed the Bechdel test, we can move onto other things. What’s Gwen up to? She’s watching videos? Wanna join? Gwen will watch anything other than the shitty news coverage of the Doc Ock rumble on TV. “We have no word on actor Tobey Maguire’s safety–” the reporter says as if anyone cared one iota. This whole thing was suspected to be a publicity stunt, but it doesn’t seem likely anymore. For one thing, Doc Ock’s a jerk from heck. Second of all, no.

Meanwhile, Doc Ock is still nutso and Spidey just knocked the glasses off his face. Turns out he’s quite handsome! I’m swooning!

If it weren’t for the whole talking-to-himself thing.

Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1), Issue #56

Yes, yes. Butter, yes. Yes, with jam, yes. On toast, no less, yes. Yes, yes. And tea, don’t forget the tea, yes. 2pm? Yes, yes, I’ll see you then.

Spidey gets smacked against a truck windshield, breaking it into tiny little crumbles and almost killing the poor bastard behind the wheel. A man gets out of his taxi to snap a photo, but Spidey webs that camera right out of his hands. And then more metal arm smacking happens during the quick distraction.

Finally, one more throw against a car causes the Webbed One to lose consciousness. Next thing he knows, he’s strapped to a seat of a private airplane. Headed for where? Who knows, but all that below him is ocean!

Maybe a pleasant trip to Guinea-Bissau will await us in Issue #57!

Final Thoughts

Sorry MJ, no trip to Bone Town for you anytime soon. Might was well go back to being grounded, kiddo. There’s nothing for you here.

I love 20 pages of action, that shit’s really my steez. I hate reading, you know, so this is an absolute plus for me. I don’t glaze over at all, that’s for sure!


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