Remember when the Supreme Court overturned Roe. v. Wade this week? That’s absolutely fucked up. Luckily, the obese governor of my state of Illinois is preparing to accommodate tens of thousands of out-of-state women, per year, who are seeking abortions! That’s awesome. I hope that guy gets elected again this year, but since this country is a complete shithole from top to bottom I’m not going to hold my breath about it.

SO, time to read some of those Sunday funnies to take all our minds off of it!

Carpe Diem

How annoyingly wholesome. Carpe Diem doesn’t even have its own Wikipedia page, so I can’t vet this strip to make sure that the guy who writes it, Niklas Eriksson, isn’t a Norwegian/Swedish evangelical born-again Christian asshole who appeals to American Bible Belt hicks with second-grade educations.

I won’t even talk about this particular Carpe Diem strip. I’m mad at it.

MJ N: “Good dog…”
Keith Pixton: “If there are no dogs in heaven, I want to go where they went.”
SeaFox01: “I have so many dogs waiting for me!”

Thanks everyone. Mind-numbingly banal as always.

Katzenjammer Kids

Oh my god, dude. Is this yet another one of those 900-year-old comic strips that are still EXACTLY like they were when they were launched. Un-fucking-believable.

You’ve got characters still dressed like it’s pre-Depression. Who is this idiot with the hairy yellow hat speaking like a medieval stroke victim? I hate him! Whose favorite comic strip in 2022 is Katzenjammer Kids? I will murder them in cold blood.

Please tell me no one bothered to write any comments for this one today. Please. I beg of you…

Mike: “Knew that last panel or segment was coming.”
djed: “If you have to know how it tastes before you taste it, I guess you’re out of luck.”
cane75: “The captain is a lush.”
truth hammer: “That first batch of punch apparently had quite a kick . . .”

Fucking GRRRROOOOOAAAN. Four comments. Only FOUR comments, none of them upvoted, and all of them stupid as shit. I’M ANGRY RIGHT NOW. My hypertension is out of control, thumping on my throat relentlessly like a mouse with a boxing glove.

Please, let’s just move on.

Mary Worth

Aha! Mary Worth! It’s been a while! This is the breath of fresh air I needed! Let’s catch up. The last time I was paying ANY kind of undue attention to this strip, Toby was being hit on by a creepy college student without even realizing it because she’s supremely dumb. That was two and half months ago.

Uh oh, trouble in paradise! We seem to be on a brand new story arc but it’s related to sexual deviancy and promiscuity. An individual who looks so much like Jane Lynch that nothing and no one could have convinced me he wasn’t a woman otherwise EXCEPT for the extremely gender-specific name of Jared. After some quick-ass Wikipedia-ing, I discovered that Dawn is the more established character of the Mary Worth canon; one of Mary’s friend’s daughters. So, surely, too far removed for Mary Worth to even get involved in her personal life. But, certainly, that won’t be the case when the storyline resolves itself in 45 months.

This ain’t no Katzenjammer Kids. Mary Worth gets 177 comments and it’s just a bunch of old people who are positively horny about the progression of the story! There are also the ones who poke holes into the continuity like a real Comic Book Guy.

Chucky Quartarolo “*BOING!!!*”
Ronnie: “But Dawn, don’t you remember asking for Jared’s blessings so you could fly to New York to spend the weekend with Hugo. You wanted one last ‘comparison’ before you chose between the two. Jared just wants to drive up to Fresno. Surely, you can be at least a little understanding.”
activist1234: “Dawn is such a sweetheart. Why would Jared possibly prefer someone who listened, took his advice, complimented him?”

Looks like we’re all going to have to wait for tomorrow’s installment, fellow Mary Worthingtons!

And to requote my buddy Chucky Quartarolo, *BOING!!!* indeed.