Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Supergirl (Vol. 6), Issue #11 – “Outsider”! In the previous installment, Kara had gotten sucked into the Black Banshee’s void where she relives awful memories and has brain-damaging nightmares! She meets up with Tom Smythe, Siobhan’s brother, who had been trapped for at least 10 years.

Kara uses her Supery Aura to destroy the Black Banshee from within, which allows the Silver Banshee time to suck him up into her void. Which isn’t as sexy as it sounds. Maybe a little sexy.

So now what? Crisis averted? Not exactly! Some guy I don’t know has created a camouflage suit that allows him to look like any person he wishes, including Taylor Swift or Willem Dafoe or even dead OJ Simpson! And he intends to kill Supergirl for reasons! So, let’s see what those reasons might be.

Supergirl (Vol. 6), Issue #11 [September, 2012]
Written by: Michael Green & Mike Johnson
“Outsider”

Kara starts recognizing Earth as a place where beauty exists but things like lions mauling zebras can happen too. Nothing like Krypton. Kara misses Krypton. Krypton had Dr. Pepper Red Fusion. They don’t have that on Earth anymore.

“Luckily, I’m not completely alone anymore. While others seem eager to attack me, Siobhan and Tom are helping me understand how this place works. They’re taking a risk even being with me. But I’m getting better at controlling my speed, so visiting them without anyone seeing me isn’t a problem.”

Of course, things like SOCIAL ETIQUETTE are lost on this sad ex-Kryptonian, who walks in on Tom wearing nothing but a towel. He’s absolutely ripped as shit, having spent much of his time in the void going to the gym. Supergirl says “Hello” in English, so we’re progressing! Tom wants some privacy, but then Siobhan walks in on them as well. One big, happy, sexually awkward family.

Tom still doesn’t get his privacy; he wants the two ladies in the room to spin around and face the wall while he dries off his dick and puts on some dang pants. Siobhan is like “This is my place, bro. Get yer ass in the bathroom” and she shoves him in there.

Sorry, ain’t no sex on Krypton. It’s all spores, my man.

Siobhan has to shove off to the cafe for work. Don’t get into any nookie while she’s gone. Or get into hella nookie, whatever floats your boat. Siobhan’s not your mom. In fact, go out on a date. She if she cares. She’ll even let you borrow a cute outfit! It’s one of those BAZINGA shirts! Have fun, sweetums.

Kara and Tom go to a pizza place in New York City. Tom, having never been anywhere in his life except Ireland and The Void, is quite looking forward to it.

Tom talks and talks and talks and talks (like some other Tom we all know), but obviously Kara can’t understand a damn word he says unless he says “hello”. She likes him anyway. She likes his voice.

Suddenly, she starts losing control of her senses again. Everything is so loud! Like a Swans concert! Holding her head, she gets up and tries to stumble out of the restaurant. Tom follows her, wondering if she’s ok.

Out on the street a shapeshifter masquerading as a cop puts his hand on Tom’s shoulder, says he’ll take it from here, and then he lifts Tom up by his neck and throws him out of the way! “This’ll be easier than I thought!” he proclaims. “The boss spent all that money on this sweet nanobot swarm-suit and the mission turns into a simple pickup and delivery!”

Yes, well, Tom tries to stop him but he’s a puny, jacked wuss and this guy has a fuckin’ nanobot swarm-suit! You do the math. Mr. Swarm-Suit punches Tom and covers him in some sort of shapeshifting goo stuff. Kara had donned her Supergirl outfit and has now plowed into Mr. Swarm-Suit with full force! Now she needs to throw him into orbit and the battle is complete! And–

“Slow down, honey,” says Mr. Swarm-Suit, grabbing her face.

–and now I shall cover you in gray poop!

Swarmy envelops Supergirl in gray goop, rendering her completely immobile, and flies her back to the ground. She uses the one weapon she has available at the moment, her laser eyes, and zaps the dickens out of him. Too bad it didn’t work, it only made him stronger, that old chestnut. In fact, now he’s going to start pulling out the big guns!

Mr. Swarm-Suit starts making copies of himself. The Swarmster! The Swarminator! Makin’ copies! And Supergirl is powerless against four foes at once, bless her cold little Kryptonian heart. And the copies keep multiplying, so she starts trying to take them out one by one before they can grow to full size. SKRAAK! WHAMM! SHRRAKK! WHAAM! WWHAMM! Augh, this bites! Swarm-Suit Prime grabs her neck and says that playtime is duly over.

“The boss said I get to keep the suit if I bring you in alive… so let’s end this before you scratch it up too much.”

Supergirl’s senses start overwhelming her again at the most inopportune of times, but she tries to shake it off. She uses x-ray vision to look into the guy’s skull, and right in the middle where a BRAIN is supposed to arguably be, there’s instead a blue ball of lava lamp gunk that she decides is the source of all his power. So, she zaps it. Right through the forehead. And the suit melts off the guy, revealing a puny twerp who falls to the ground groaning.

It’s the gray poo! The poo is on me!

The gray shit was also on Tom, and it melts away. Supergirl, in English, touches his face tells him “hello”. A sweet moment if you’re some sort of circus clown from the swamp.

Before all the yokels show up to hoot and holler and take pictures of her, Supergirl grabs Tom and flies him back to Siobhan’s apartment. Siobhan is mad that she missed all the action, having had to spend all day serving coffee to hipsters in dreadlocks and horn-rimmed glasses.

“What bothers me is that he found me even though I was wearing your clothes,” Kara tells Siobhan, under the impression that it’s the clothes instead of, you know, facial features that cause people to recognize you. Kara doesn’t want to stay any longer because she doesn’t want to put the Irish Twins [Editor’s Note: They are not twins] in danger. She walks away whistling “It’s Gonna Be Me” by NSYNC [Editor’s Note: No she fucking doesn’t, idiot].

Siobhan and Tom understand that she’ll probably never see them ever again forever. Supergirl leaves to figure some shit out alone.

Final Thoughts

Meh.