Natasha Vaynblat

Natasha Vaynblat

Natasha Vaynblat’s Official Website

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(2023) We’re All Dads Here

We’re All Dads Here (2023)
Rating: Good

Natasha Vaynblat - We're All Dads Here

Natasha Vaynblat is a 35-year-old woman who was born in Russia and moved to America when she was seven years old. But this isn’t all that she’s about! She tells you about her pooping idiosyncrasies, buttholes with teeth, and her dog’s desire to get in on her sexual escapades. Now, I was worried at first that Vaynblat was going to be a Sarah Silverman-type — a cute, little woman with a sailor’s vocabulary and a predisposition for the scatological. One of her first jokes was about her vagina leaking chlorine during water yoga. We’ve all been there, right fellas?

Luckily, things picked up when Vaynblat started talking about life in New York City, its rat problem, its subway problem, and how to fend off catcallers. Comedians have beaten NYC to death for decades, but Vaynblat offers a fresh perspective on one of the world’s most notorious cities. For instance, she refers to the NYC subway system as a year-round haunted hayride. “The lights suddenly shut off occasionally, the performers will jump out at you from all angles…” Quirks abound with Vaynblat’s point of view and, like all good comedians, she’s good at pulling you into the way she sees the world.

The strongest material comes from her Russian upbringing. Her parents sound endlessly sweet, if not bewildered by American customs to this day. I’m sure her parents are dead-on typical caricatures of Russian immigrants, but her descriptions of how her father will argue relentlessly as a means to make genial conversation (“Boris, you’ve made a new friend today!“) or how her mother will get catfished by an online individual pretending to be Bryan Ferry (“Nice job, Bryan.“) are very funny and oddly relatable in the “Boomers being fools” sense. My favorite joke is how Vaynblat describes trying to get into a Russian museum for free as an adult by pretending to be a citizen and successfully attempting to get past the security guard (“You appear to be American. You smile at strangers, which is pathetic. And your eyeshadow is too subtle. BUT, you seem to have little respect for authority and you try to cheat the system, so come on in!“)

Other highlights include Vaynblat’s ordeal with fraudulent credit card charges where it turns out that she was mistakenly charging herself without her knowledge and then reimbursing herself for months, and her idea that women should have a Mr. Skin-type website that pinpoints the exact timestamp in movies where “the man apologizes”. So, see? As it turns out, it’s not all scatological humor! Vaynblat has range, and I look forward to seeing what else she can cook up in the future.


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Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10 – “Chapter Ten: Independence Day”

* Part 10 of 13 of the Batman: The Long Halloween limited series *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10 – “Chapter Ten: Independence Day”! In the previous installment, Bruce cries about his dead dad while reminiscing about how he saved Carmine Falcone’s life once. Maroni’s dad gets shot right in front of him by Holiday, no now it’s truly personal. Maroni enlists Harvey Dent’s help in evening the score against Falcone…

WHO IS HOLIDAY?! Is it Bruce Wayne? That would be hilarious!

Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10 [September, 1997]
Written by: Jeph Loeb
“Chapter Ten: Independence Day”

Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10

Someone dies right away in Issue #10. Some fat, frowny guy from the Gotham City Coroner. We’ll catch up with his dead ass later. Right now we get to see Bruce Wayne hang out with Selina Kyle at Wayne Manor on the Fourth of July (boring, that sounds boring).

He wonders why he still considers it his father’s house when he has lived there just as long as he had. Selina asks him why he stays in Gotham City. And he’s like “I left but I came back because I wanted to”. Selina wants to know why, in spite of everything lately — Poison Ivy, the Attorney General up his ass, the various holidays that remind him that his (dead) parents are dead – why the fuck he’s sticking around now? Why? Why? Why?

Because he’s Batman, you bonehead. Don’t you recognize the lower half of his face? Jesus.

Selina Kyle seduces him, tells him that she knows places that they could go together. *winky winky* They kiss, then that Batsignal shines in the sky. I can hear him groaning from here, pants tight with his 1.5” erection, having to leave to go see…

…Harvey Dent. He’s the Batsignal man today, and he needs to talk tout suite. “Remember the deal we made?” Dent asks, flipping a coin over and over again on his thumb deftly. “You. Me. Jim Gordon. Right here. To bring down the Roman.”

Oh he remembers, all right. You don’t forget something like that!

Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10

Bruce gave me a wedgie then kicked me down an elevator shaft from the 45th floor of Gotham Tower. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Harvey Dent says that Maroni’s gonna testify against Falcone. After that, things will cool down. Dent’s gonna leave the city for a while afterward. Take some time off. Ditch his smelly wife and go see Mickey Mouse.

But there’s still some business to attend to, unfortunately, because buzzkill Jim Gordon shows up to the roof to let the two of them know that Holiday has claimed yet another victim. This time a civilian down at the docks. Let’s go take a look! Maybe we can poke the corpse with a stick!

Salvatore Maroni is currently rotting behind bars. He has a visitor: some nerd named Vernon. We remember Vernon, right? Harvey Dent’s assistant. Mr. Maroni’s “friend”. Also, Sofia Falcone is there to talk to him too. Catch up on some old business. Vernon, am-scray. Go fondle a dildo somewhere else, boy.

“I went to prison for you, Sal,” Sofia glares. “I didn’t squawk. I didn’t ask for anything in return. But, when the police came for me, I didn’t name you.” And Maroni doesn’t care about that right now. He’s looking after Numero Uno right now.

Then she says she missed him.

Then they kiss through the bars.

And I’m vomiting right now.

Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10

Disgusting.

“Poppa knows it was Dent who got you into this mess,” she says, love in her tender little eyeballs. “Without Dent, everybody lays off. I know you’ll do the right thing, Sal…”

Back at Casa de Gordon, Gilda Dent frowns sullenly over a cup of coffee. She asks Barbara Gordon why they stay in Gotham City. It fucks everyone up irrevocably. And it’s like, duh lady, Jim is a police captain. They can’t just leave. Plus, a baby and such. Gilda continues looking forlorn.

“When Harvey first started at the District Attorney’s office – they used to call him ‘Apollo’ — the Golden Boy. He was so handsome. He could do no wrong. But every day. This ‘Roman’ case. It’s like it’s eating him from the inside out. He’s… changing.”

OK, Dramatic Debbie. Take a chill pill. Harvey’s juuuuuust fine. See? *watches Harvey explode into 17,000 pieces*

Jim Gordon shows his friends the murder scene at the docks. The murder was at point-blank range. Holiday can get close to his/her victims… he/she knows them… caresses them… “I’ve seen you get close without anybody noticing,” Gordon says, shooting daggers at the stern-faced Batman. Batman just silently scowls at Gordon with a “fuck you, buddy” demeanor.

Batman: The Long Halloween, Issue #10

I got pretty close to your mother last night without you noticing, asshole.

Meanwhile, Catwoman skulks at the docks…

Gordon asks Batman why the coroner got got. He has no connection to the Falcone family, right? Batman thinks that Harvey Dent might be connection. Where was he at the time of the killing? Enjoying a TV dinner? Not bloody likely!

The two of them see fireworks in the sky, which is weird because the city already shot off all their fireworks. Batman finds this alarming and disappears swiftly, leaving Gordon going “buh?” in the night.

At the Gotham Bank Depository, a couple of guards get obliterated with a rogue firework. This seems important. Moving on!

A lot going on in this issue! We now find the Scarecrow and his Mad Hatter buddy on a horse and carriage full of sacks of money. Mad Hatter sPeAks iN HiS oNlinE wAy about the Walrus and the Carpenter. Scarecrow humors him for some reason even though hanging out with a crazy guy doesn’t seem very fun to me.

AND THEN SUDDENLY BATMAN DESCENDS FROM THE SKY BLAHRBAHRAHABRLHB. He says stuff like “you’re not stealing the money today!” and “get your flabby asses back to Arkham Asylum!” Batman figures out they’re working for the Roman.

“During the escape, I inhaled some of the Scarecrow’s fear gas,” Batman thinks, addled as all get-out. “My mind was violated. “My childhood fears of my parents’ murders overcame me. I try not to enjoy breaking Crane’s [Scarecrow’s] ribs.”

Man, does Scarecrow get hella punched! Right in the breadbasket! “Ouch” he says, probably. Mad Hatter draws out a double-barreled pistol and aims at Batman’s fat head. He starts shooting willy-nilly, missing everything.

AND THEN SUDDENLY CATWOMAN DESCENDS FROM THE SKY BLAHRBAHRAHABRLHB and lands on the Mad Hatter’s head. Batman looks at her in a disgruntled manner. “You’ve been following me. At the police headquarters. On the docks.” Catwoman deflects. “I like all this money that’s just sitting there,” she smiles smugly. Purringly.

“The Roman orchestrated all of this. Do you want to help?”

“That’s not what I had in mind. Your loss.”

Then she prances away, leaving Batman alone with a grumbling pair of insane sad-sacks.

Final Thoughts

Catwoman sucks. Someone should blow her ass up with fireworks.


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East of West, Issue #43 – “Famine”

* Part 14 of 16 of the The Apocalypse: Year Three storyline *

Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: East of West, Issue #43 – “Famine”! In the previous installment, we battle between the Three Unreasonable Horsemen and the One More Reasonable Horseman breaks out on the ground. This is a flashback, you see. Death kills the three. Bel Solomon kills Death.

The most groundbreaking information from this flashback is that War is in love with Death and Death doesn’t return the sentiment. Does it explain a lot? Maybe! I’d have to go back and read through the series again for any subtext, but I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming a mile away.

This flashback was the only event of Issue #42. We’ll probably pick up where we left off with the Archibald/Xiaolian clash already in progress!

East of West, Issue #43 [October, 2019]
Written by: Jonathan Hickman
“Famine”

East of West, Issue #43

“We’ve taken everything you love.“

War, Conquest, and Famine are hangin’ with Babylon and Balloon. Babylon asks if his dad is hurt or ok; the two different states of being. Well, War says he’ll keep his end of the deal. But Death? The loose cannon? Who fucking knows?

Anyway, this War/Death thing goes back millennia. Eons. Conquest tells Babylon to forget about it, it’s trivial and stupid and full of weird Horseman horomones. “So… you ready to go to school? It’s a short walk to begin the long journey of becoming the Great Beast.”

So where to, Chuckles? In a nutshell, when two or more Horsemen are together they can shape the world in a way no man can. Conquest proves this by taking a huge sword and whacking the lake with it, opening a staircase. That’s convenient! Let’s descend, shall we? Age before beauty. Hup two.

Down the stairs into the underground leads to a vast, open desert.

“So what’s this place called?” asks Babylon.

“It’s the Valley of the Gods,” Famine answers. “We died here.”

“Let’s see if you can take it back.”

Near the Armistice, Freeman and Wolf wait for the clash. Freeman says waiting is the worst part. Wolf disagrees. The worst part is the unnecessary conflict and carnage. That’s an easy lob and you whiffed it, Freeman.

“Why are you talking like our hands are clean in all this, Wolf? Brother… they are not.”

East of West, Issue #43

It will surely be a lovely wedding!

Wolf doesn’t argue with that. He gets a bit introspective sometimes, clouding his vision of what will actually happen. These two mopes, Archibald and Mao, they’re going to fucking kill each other. “And we’re going to what… just watch?” Wolf asks rather incredulously. Freeman smiles wryly. “Yes,” he responds. “We are going to watch.”

Meanwhile, Archibald and Bel Solomon pore over their war plans and maps and charts and journals and fanfictions.

“Are you as thrilled as I am at the prospect of victory?” Archibald asks earnestly.

“Go to hell,” Bel grumbles. He still has his hands tied behind his back BDSM-style.

The General warns Archibald that there are thousands more force than they expected. Archibald answers with a mighty “Hrmpt!” and tells him to hold all their forces. Bel hopes Archibald chokes on all this spilled blood.

BOOM!

Mao’s armies attack in full force. Loaded tanks. Screaming soldiers. Bloodshed and butchery.

“How long has it been since you actually faced someone as a man?” Bel asks his fancy mustachioed friend. “Did you think they would just give up and run?”

Pffft, Archibald has so many Aces up his sleeve that he had to buy 50 packs of cards. That’s 200 Aces! Let ‘em fucking retaliate! Watch this:

THUNK! THUNK! Giant machine gun robots! Like something out of Star Wars. They stomp and blast and blast and stomp. Mao grits her teeth. This bites! She wasn’t expecting this! Hrmpt!

Let us take a break from the wartime pleasantries and focus on Death at the Axis. He spends days descending the endless staircase. He walks the bridge and visits his eyeless Oracle buddy. His rhyming eyeball pipes in that Death has another eye to give!

East of West, Issue #43

Roses are red / violets are blue / you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too / Amen

Let us get back to the wartime pleasantries! “It’s a shame, really. I expected more. But what is life, except a series of disappointments.” Archibald takes a fat drag of his cigar and watches his enemies blow up and burn.

“You’re slaughtering them.” Bel’s eyes bug out.

“Yes. Like the swine they are…” Archibald’s eyes also bug out. “See them scream, Mister Solomon. See them squeal…”

“We’re not just ending a nation here today… we are putting an end to a rival for all time. I want to extinguish the very idea of them as a people. I want them erased from history. Do you know what that is called, Bel?”

“What, goddamn you? What?”

“It is called…”

“VICTORY!” screams remnants of Mao’s army.

“We knew that Chamberlain had some new machinery of war… we just had to draw them out. Are our people in place?” asks Xiaolian from a high precipice.

“Yes, great Mao.”

“Then send word to what we buried in the battlefield.”

Fire starts raining down from the sky. Widowmakers plunge into the field. Some leap atop the giant Star Wars robots and drop bombs into the cockpits.

Now there’s a standoff on the ground between Mao’s army and Archibald’s army. Archibald’s team is sending in a shuttle. A literal shuttle, one that looks like it could be launched in space and blown up due to faulty design just like Challenger!

East of West, Issue #43

Oh, I uh must have left it with the laundry or something.

The Confederacy blows everyone up with large bombs. Archibald is smug. Mao is infuriated.

And just like that, the issue is over? I was just getting started!

Final Thoughts

Rrrrgghhh! I need more! Two issues left? They’re going to wrap this up in two issues? My ass on a platter they will!

Oh well.


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Stripcreatin’ Batch #3 – Chandler Bing Is Only Dead in Our Hearts

END-GAME COMMUNISM

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THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

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WILLIAM SHATNER

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LOVE IS BLISS AND HELL

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THE PLOT THICKENS???

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 LOONY TOONS

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DEATH OF A PIRATE SALESMAN

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WHAT WOULD WONKA DO (WWWWWD)

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CARLOS MENCIA’S BIG BREAK

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IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL??

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Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Welcome to Archieness & Riverdalers Presents: Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19!

This is the second part of the “Love Showdown” four-part arc! Catch the first part here, Archiephiles. Fuckin’ Archiephiles.

Betty (Vol. 1) , Issue #19 [November, 1994]

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue 19

”Love Showdown (Part 2)” – Bill Golliher

We last left Betty Cooper in her bedroom, and she still appears to be in there throwing away pictures of her and Veronica. And pictures of just Veronica. Like, Betty has a tremendous amount of pictures of just Veronica. It’s creepy.

Betty’s mom is appalled to see that her livid daughter is doing a bit of redecorating, but Betty doesn’t give a fuck. “Dad, would you mind throwing these out for me?” she asks, pushing onto him a giant garbage bag of photos that probably weighs 90 pounds.

“Stick them in the garage!” Mom suggests. “Maybe this will blow over!”

“Oh, I wouldn’t count on it!” Betty retorts. “I’m not dealing with that brunette barracuda again!”

WILL THESE TWO EVER REKINDLE THEIR FRIENDSHIP?! *farts*

Betty tells her mom all about the mystery love letter to Archie that Veronica (probably) (didn’t) (write) gave him. “That’s all?” Mom asks, dumbfounded. “Hasn’t something like this happened before?”

ABOUT A HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION GODDAMNED TIMES, MOM. It’s getting old.

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Hold on. Let me take a giant stinky dump on them first.

Betty prepares an oversized wheelbarrow and fills it with Veronica’s clothes. I like to imagine that Veronica lives on some giant hill seventeen miles away, and Betty strutted angrily the whole way with this wheelbarrow. “Ms. Lodge,” Veronica’s butler calls. “Ms. Cooper is here to see you.”

Veronica’s busy! “Just contribute something from the closet to her charity drive!!” she informs her butler. Betty overhears this and gets STEAMED UP ALL OVER AGAIN!

Listen, this is probably going to go on for the rest of the issue, so you might as well sit back and relax. Maybe grab a giant mug of Kahlúa.

Back at home, Betty watches a TV that’s not turned on and pretends that it’s on while her mom notices that it’s not turned on. Dad’s got something that might cheer her up! Tickets to the Lodge Foundation’s Summer Charity Dance next week! Ha ha! Oh… well, anyway, maybe Archie will go with you? He likes dumb girls!

Betty appreciates the sentiment and accepts the offer. She calls up Archie, who’s been busy trying to fix his car (1970 AMC Gremlin with racing stripes). Well, since Betty is pretty savvy with the wrench, she offers to help smack his engine around tomorrow evening! Oh, alas, Archie won’t be there. Archie will be too busy burning ants with a magnifying glass with his buddy Reggie.

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Archie’s got the “shit, I’d better do this before I get yelled at” face.

The phone call ends after Archie agrees to go to the dance. Betty is ecstatic! She’ll impress Archie by pouring sugar in his gas tank, then they’ll both jitterbug all night! “Sounds like Veronica’s got some competition!” Dad jubilates.

Archie didn’t have the heart to tell Betty that he’s going with Veronica to the dance tomorrow. “Maybe they’re having one next week, too…” he frowns. UH OH! Things are going to get even more tangled up in a fucking knot. Someone should just drop an atomic bomb on Riverdale and start fresh.

The next day, Betty is brushing up on her 1,757-page “Mustang Repairs” manual. She’s been reading all about hydro-locked head gaskets and flux capacitor gizmo-trons so that she can fix literally any problem that’s wrong with Archie’s car (roof torn off after driving under a semi-truck). See, she’s much more practical than that whore Veronica!

Betty shows up to Archie’s house with a toolbox (full of jellybeans). Archie is still stumped as a grump about this car problem! Betty figures it out right away: the fuel pump’s got too much pressure near the carburetor. She pulls out a screwdriver while Archie pops a little boner…

…but then Veronica pops in. “I’ve got dibs on him tonight!” she says, startling the both of them. THE FEUD CONTINUES! STAY TUNED FOR MORE or don’t or just kill yourself, I don’t care.

TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL!

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Suck a dick, Punchy.

Betty is furious. “So, Archie! Is this who you have plans with tonight?”

AHBALAHBAHAAHBALAHBALHBLAHB. “We have a dance to go to,” Archie replies, tugging on his collar. Veronica is already dressed to the nines, yelling at Archie to get his little red ass into his house to change.

Betty continues working on the car. “So, what dance are you and Archie going to?”

“The Lodge Foundation Summer Fling Charity Bash!” Veronica smiles smugly.

“I got tickets for the one next weekend! Archie’s going with me to that one!”

“Next week? Tonight is a one and only event!”

“But the tickets I got are dated the 25th.”

Veronica looks shocked! Appalled! Oh no! Looks like some of the tickets have the wrong date on them! Tee hee!

Oh well. That’s the reaction. Oh well.

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Archie gonna pull a rabbit out of a hat, boyyeeeee!!

Archie comes back out of the house dressed like a reject from the Magician’s Alliance. “I think I’m ready!” he blurts, looking like a clown. Veronica is pleased with his appearance for some reason. Betty bids them farewell and continues working on the car. “Veronica gets Archie… and I get stuck with Archie’s fuel pump!”

After fixing the thing by dumping a gallon of coolant onto the driver’s car seat, Betty decides to head over to Pop’s and treat herself to a delicious chocolate shake. But she’s glum when she gets there. Jughead notices her sad-sackiness and sits next to her.

“Archie and Veronica are at her father’s charity dance tonight… and I’m HERE!!” Betty whines.

Jughead scarfs down two burgers and a hot dog. “Personally, I can’t think of a better place to be!”

Betty shows Jughead her tickets with the misprinted dates. “Yeah!” Jughead says as he analyzes them. “I was at the copy center when Veronica got these printed up!”

Ha! Owned, you blonde sack of dog bones. Veronica wins again, honey. It was all a scammy ruse and you’re the sucker. The sucker born every minute.

Jughead urges her to fight back. Oh, she will all right. She’s going to crash the dance and pull a Carrie. Don’t wait up.

STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE, LADIES AND GERMS! IT’LL BE A DOOZY!

“Meow Talk” – George Gladir

“Humans are so difficult to understand! Take my Betty! She always sleeps at night! That’s sleeping away the best part of the day!”

I agree with Betty’s exclamation points cat. Nighttime is the best part of the day. Why, it’s 4:00am right now and I just snorted a handful of crushed amphetamines! Hoooo boy!

Betty only sleeps eight hours. Weird. Higher functioning animals need sixteen hours of sleep. She’s an idiot.

I don’t know what Betty’s cat is named yet, so I’m going to call him Mr. Snickerbottom Meowmix Grumpypants. Or “Cat” for short. Cat starts complaining about the other weird things that Betty does, like buy him toy mice (real ones are more fun) and spray him with kitty cologne (it smelled like fish paste and about three butts). She even brought him a giant chunk of wood to scratch even though he prefers to claw Betty’s dad’s eyes out every night instead.

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

So would Archie! AWOOOOGAH!!

Cat also complains that Betty can’t understand him. He’ll go “meow meow hiss” while pointing at the refrigerator, and Betty will go “SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED ANOTHER SPRAY OF THAT JANKY FISH COLOGNE!” She tries to have him do tricks, she tries to get him to play fetch, she even invites this redheaded dorky fuck over to hop around like a goose to try to entertain him. Betty sucks, actually. Time to run away from home ASA-fucking-P.

Hey, this story’s no good! Why should I care about a cat’s bitching? What does he want, a lasagna?

lol, the cat sleeps in a bed with “CAT” written on it, so maybe that is his name!

“There is one of her friends I can tolerate,” Cat says, referring to Jughead, who often shares his giant bucket of fried chicken with him. This is weird to me, because I thought Jughead was very protective of his food. Like Joey Tribbiani! “Why does a nice dude like this associate with those disreputable creatures?” Cat thinks as he scarfs down a greasy chicken leg.

Cat does like watching Betty brush her hair in her underwear. Heh heh. Um.

OH YEAH! He also likes TV! TV is great! Who doesn’t like TV?? And did someone say lasagna?

Anyway, in short, “I think Betty is purr-fect” Cat says. Blech. Just kick me in the fucking balls, dude.

”Twin Spin” – Mike Pellowski

What more could Betty possibly offer us today?! Well, how about her adventures in babysitting a couple of pesky young twins? We can inject some fun into this, right?

The Turner twins look like Dennis the Menace and they whine more than me, if you can believe it! Betty has driven them to the forest so she can hang them both from a tree, but they’re fighting and pulling her arms and taking massive dumps on her face. Eddie and Freddie are their names. I would’ve named them Garfield and Nermal.

Betty finally drags them to the main attraction: a brand new playground! It’s enclosed so they can’t escape and steal airplanes and fly them into buildings and cause brand new, more interesting 9/11s. All Betty has to do is wait until they get tired and fall asleep and let the fire ants consume them.

Betty (Vol. 1), Issue #19

Now’s our chance to run away forever, Little Freddie!

Unfortunately, Eddie had Augustus Gloop’d his way into the tubes and now Betty has to go in there and save him even though she’s four feet taller than him. She enters a tunnel called the “Sewer Rats Airlock #2” and bangs her head over and over again as she traverses the pitch blackness of Hell Itself. “Oooof! This is killing my back!” she says as she progresses further into her own grave.

She exits Airlock #3 and finds Freddie waiting up there already. How? He climbed the ladder! Betty lifts her fist and gets ready to deck him. “LADDER? Why didn’t you tell me there was a ladder?” It’s because he’s a little shit, that’s why.

As it turns out, Eddie was faking being trapped and, as she reaches into the bubble to push him through, Betty slips into the tube and falls down the slide, severing her spinal cord and rendering her a braindead quadriplegic. The kids have disappeared by the time she falls out of the slide and onto the sand. They tie her shoelaces together while she stands up looking around the playground. She trips and gets so fucking angry that she blows fire out of her mouth and incinerates the twins to big crunchy crisps.

After spending the better part of the afternoon torturing Betty to an early death, the two kids are bushed. “Can we go home now and take a nap?” asks one of them. They’re wearing identical clothes like a couple of geeks.

“YAWNS?!! That’s music to my ears, …especially when it’s a twin spin!” Betty exclaims befuddlingly.

Final Thoughts

That Betty is quite a card! And just think, there are about 40,600 more stories out there about her! How can one girl possibly get into so many adventures?

Looking forward to what the next 90-year-old comic book writer is going to do with these vapid characters.


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