The Eye of the World (Book 1) – Chapter 29: “Eyes Without Pity”

The Wheel of Time - Book 1 - The Eye of the World

What’s nice about this chapter is that it’s 85% running around and 15% something interesting. Far be it from me to expect a little intrigue within the pages of my book that’s all about people ambling around.

Elyas is being a butthead, going too fast and weaving around too much. It takes a while for anyone to learn what his deal is, but the situation makes itself known when an enormous flock of ravens bursts out of the trees. The ravens are the eyes of the Dark One, almost like sentries, with the ability to swoop down and kill. They make short work of a poor fox, which terrifies Perrin and Egwene, and sends Elyas into an even more urgent tizzy.

They run a lot, avoiding the flock hither and thither for many moons. The wolves are attacked and wounded, but they fight off the ravens. Perrin admits that he sensed it, and finally accepts that he has the Way of the Wolf or whatever you want to call it. I made that up, you can use it if you’d like! Here’s another one: the Wolf Whisperer! Isn’t that clever?!?!

Perrin thinks of something funny here! He says he’ll kill Egwene with an axe instead of letting the ravens kill her if he has to. I don’t know if that’s particularly reassuring, but it’s a sweet gesture nevertheless.

OK, enough of that, this is the part that gets interesting. The group enters a clearing, as if through a barrier, that makes Perrin feel rejuvenated and Egwene feel like a void has opened up within her. They have entered a stedding, and I have to italicize that because they italicize it in the book. A stedding. It’s a sanctuary where the Dark One cannot breach, Trollocs don’t want to breach unless driven to breach, Myrddraal don’t want to breach unless absolutely necessary, and Aes Sedai powers don’t work. They can’t tap into the One Power, or even sense it. The stedding makes them feel empty inside, and Elyas doesn’t seem to catch on to Egwene’s discomfort.

Within the stedding is a rock shaped like an eyeball. Elyas launches into an explanation: Artur Hawkwing was a king who wanted to build his capital city in a stedding to keep the Aes Sedai out, even though this was eventually his undoing since Aes Sedai could have healed his many ailments. Hawkwing died the day his statue, and capital, was finished. His heirs ruined the city with too many arguments, the city fell, the statue fell, and all that’s left is a dang eyeball.

The Eye of the Hawkwing. Really makes you think. (No).


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Sucky Funnies for January 8, 2023

Now that we’re in full swing in 2023 and I’ve already broken my New Year’s resolution to stop spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on designer belt buckles, we can all settle back into crushing post-holiday reality. I, for one, embrace the next two months of bleak, gloomy Chicago weather. I hope your hometown is also experiencing weather that would require you to buy one of those SAD lamps. Misery loves company.

Speaking of misery loving company, share my disappointment in the Sunday comics, will you?

Frazz

Pardon My Planet - January 8, 2023

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I can get behind all of this except for two things:

1) Get to bed within a 15-minute margin of 8:30? Excuse me, Calvin and Hobbes ripoff comic, but I don’t own a farm and I don’t need to get up seven hours before the sun rises. Consider this: I hate my life between 7am and 9:30pm and the only respite I get from my sad, sorry existence happens in the dead of night when the rest of my time zone is asleep! I suggest getting to bed between a 15-minute margin of 2am, THEN you’ll really have a solid existence.

2) The physics is incorrect on the lever. The fulcrum should be on the right for this to work properly, not on the left. Unless, of course, Frazz weighs 40 pounds and Caulfield weighs 400 pounds. If that’s the case then I’ll shut my big fat nerd mouth.

On the Fastrack

On the Fastrack - January 8, 2023

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Presumptuous of Wednesday Addams Elvira over here to think she single-handedly brought a company back to normalcy. I know people like her who think they are God’s gift to their place of business. NEWSFLASH: You’re replaceable! Everyone is replaceable!

Except me, of course. My company would fall apart without me.

Family Circus

Family Circus - January 8, 2023

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One underrated aspect of Family Circus is Mommy or Daddy’s bemused expression when one of their kids spouts an inanity. It happens all the time. Put yourself in Mommy’s shoes: you’re just doing a routine chore around the house, and then your little pumpkin-headed loser says something with little-to-no context. How would you even respond to this?

It’s insufferable. Billy and Dolly are bad enough. Mommy and Daddy should have been a little more careful with their contraceptive practices.


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Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

* Part 5 of 5 of the Revolution storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3) Issue #5! The Revolution storyline comes to an end, and not a moment too soon! Several moments too late, in fact! In the previous installment, Cyclops attempts to convince some Jean Grey School peeps to come join him instead at the abandoned chemical processing plant / slaughterhouse that they are now calling the New Xavier School. He convinces the past version of Angel to join, aka Warren Worthington III, aka Who-Gives-a-Shit. Emma Frost convinces her three motherfucking creepy Stepford Cuckoos to join. The four new kids are starting to feel better about being abducted from their homes and families just a couple of days ago.

I don’t know exactly where this story is going, but Cyclops is going to fail miserably and I’m going to sit here and LAUGH and LAUGH at his disastrous downfall. I hope someone throws him out of a hot air balloon.

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5 [June, 2013]
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5S.H.I.E.L.D. HELICARRIER, LOCATED 1000 FT. OVER RENO, NEVADA. Time to do some gamblin’ in the Biggest Little City in the World. Check out Lt. Dangle’s short shorts.

The agency is watching a recording of Cyclops addressing his fellow mutants after they kicked the Avengers’ asses (who I hope are still trapped in a time bubble for eternity) to join in on the revolution fun time, and anyone who gets in the way will get a baseball bat to the kneecap.

Commander Maria Hill tells Agent Coulson to turn the recording off as she rubs her forehead wearily. There’s no fucking way that the X-Men beat the Avengers without so much as lifting a finger, right? Come on, man.

Yes. One of the kids can make time bubbles, ma’am.

Hill looks concerned. “Scott Summers made a self-congratulatory incendiary speech, trapped the Avengers in time, and just… took off?”

Yes. They seem to be better than the Avengers, ma’am.

Well, shit. “These X-Men are going to force my hand here,” Hill says, “and they’re not going to like it.”

At the New Xavier School for the “Gifted” (read: “Unstable”), Illyana sits alone in a room all glum. Cyclops passes by and asks how he can help. Illyana tells him he can take a long walk off a short pier then stick a gun in his mouth and then she’ll throw a brick at his head, that’s how he can help.

Uh huh. So, what was that about at the end of the last issue there? Cyclops wants some info. What happened, lady? Spill. Cyclops needs to know everything at every moment at every time. Even in the stopped time, which is admittedly easier to know things about in the moment.

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

Easy joke here. I’ll skip it.

Cyclops is just concerned if she’s in trouble, and if she’s in trouble then does that mean the rest of them are in trouble? And then does that mean he’s in trouble? Looking out for #1 as always.

Return to an hour ago when Magik was having these fitz and the tantrums. All “AAGHH” and “AAAAGGGH” about it like an attention whore. “It… it was…” she struggles to remember those moments, “…nothing like this had ever happened to me before.” And that shit is crazy, because everything has happened to her before! You don’t even want to know some of the sex stuff, man. It would rattle that peanut brain inside your head.

Magik had been suddenly pulled out of the dimension and into the Limbo dimension! We see some real Hell stuff. A regular Dante’s Inferno.

Cyclops asks if she knew who did it.

And in Limbo, Magik had confronted her captor. “Are you just completely out of your mind, Dormammu? Who are you to touch me?!”

Oh great, I’m supposed to know who Dormammu is? She said it in these incredibly huge red letters, like it’s a big reveal that is supposed to make readers gasp! Well, let me tell you, the only gasp I did was for air after spending too many minutes in the BULLSHIT RIVER, my friends.

Dormammu looks like a face in a flame with big stone arms. “WELCOME BACK TO YOUR ABANDONED KINGDOM, RASPUTIN. DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH THE PLACE?”

Really, you’re going to throw brand new stuff toward me in the last issue of a storyline? I ain’t havin’ it. Show me some Wolverine eating Cheetos on the couch.

Oh man, is Magik ever pissed. And she’s cute when she’s pissed.

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

You can tell me to learn my place any day of the week, Sister.

Dormammu asks her, bluntly, if she can even fathom the madness that she has brought to Limbo. She says she doesn’t give a shit, and she leaps at Flame Head with her comically large sword. Then he lights her on fire for a bit to make an example out of her.

This Dormammu chap points an angry finger right back at her and tells her that he waited and waited for her to let go of the Phoenix force and/or have the Phoenix force destroy her. Whichever came first. And it sucks, because the Phoenix’s destruction of everyone’s super mutant powers, especially hers, is “ripping his world apart”. Not good. Time to die, little one.

“You are a threat to my existence,” continues Dormammu like the awful windbag that he obviously is. So he sticks his giant burning finger through her torso and makes her go “NNYYAAGGHH!” Like the Pillsbury Dough Boy sorta.

Dor Mammu tries to damn Magik to death, but instead of being damned to death during this boss fight, she evolves into a second form. “HOW… DARE… YOU?!”

Oh snap, Dorma Mmu! “He forced it out of me,” she recounts to Cyclops, “he forced me to reveal her… my darker self. The Darkchilde.”

Ah, ok then. *checks watch*

She’s lost control, just like the woman in that Joy Division song. She didn’t even know what was happening! “It was like I was watching a movie,” she later says. Yeah, maybe one of those shitty action movies where you can barely even tell what’s happening, like X-Men: The Last Stand or something similar! She beats and bashes this mofo, warns him not to touch her like this again! Or even LOOK at her! Or be in the same dimension at the same time! Or anywhere at any given moment, honestly.

She makes short work of this dude. Then she looks at the lower demons, hundreds of them, who are all standing around looking mean and dumb. She waves her sword around, and they all take off scared in the opposite direction.

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

You wish, pal. I’m the one taking Centrum Silver everyday. Not you.

Dormammu just won’t give up the yap yap yap yap yap. YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR POWER IS COMING FROM. YOU WILL PAY. YOU ARE A STUPID LITTLE GIRL. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. Yap yap yap. Magik tells him to put a cork in it.

But the thing that made her super man was that Dormammu was right. Her powers are all fucked up. Just like Cyclops’. Just like Magneto’s. Just like everybody’s. Maybe even Kitty Pryde. She probably phased through a wall and got stuck with the rats.

“The difference here is mine are connected to magic – to Limbo,” she explains, and that’s probably worse than Cyclops burning his dick off with his eyeballs. Well… maybe it’s similar…

“For the first time since I was a little girl proper… I am so scared. I am so confused. And I do not know what to do,” she admits. She really should’ve booted Cyclops out of the room instead of telling him this stuff. This is need-to-know basis stuff only, and he doesn’t need to know! I don’t want him to know anything.

And it sucks because things seemed ok a few days ago. Now there’s a kid who shoots gold balls out of his butt, and now she doesn’t know which way is up, and everything is just so nuts.

Cyclops advises that she perhaps go visit Doctor Strange to see if he can help. HA! The Avenger? Fat chance. How about an actual good idea for once in your sorry–

“AAAHHGG!”

Sucked back into Limbo again. This back-and-forth might take a while. Grab a snack.

The newbies are starting to get unnerved, and they were all already unnerved. The oldbies tell them not to worry, Scott can handle this. The newbies have not been successfully unnerved.

Frost turns to her cuckoos to ask if the three little hellraisers know what’s going on. They tell her that Illyana’s powers are broken too. And it’s not good. Especially since it seemed like she was fine. But of course she’s not. I saw that one coming a hundred miles away! Give or take seventeen feet.

Magik is doubled over on the floor while Cyclops begs her to explain what’s happening. She’s not answering. It sounds like Cyclops wasn’t paying any attention to her whole story! Limbo, man! Davidmamet! Demons! Hello?!

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

OHHHH, I’M SORRY. Is this place not good enough for the guy with the fluffy angel wings?!?

She lifts herself up crying and still insisting that she is ok. She’s not ok. There’s a definite, smelly aura of not-okayness permeating the air.

Angel Worthington Worthless XXXIV is being a snooty snoot, but Magneto, for one, is delighted that the strapping gent decided to join their elite ranks! As long as he brought the dip! Heh heh. Those potato chips need something *nudge*, eh Worthington??

“I’m proud of you for breaking ranks with the other original X-Men,” Magneto smiles. “You will do well here.”

Well, if you put it that way, Worthington will NOT do well here! Just try and make me live up to your expectations, you old man. You have some pennies stuck to you. How about you magnetize some real money?

Magik’s screeching and groaning is scaring the cuckoos. They look up to Frost with actual worried eyes, wondering if Magik is going to be ok. This is the part where Frost has them snared in her manipulative trap all over again!

“I-I don’t want to mess this up for us,” Magik tells Cyclops while sitting on the floor. “We need to make this school work. We need this. This has to be our second chance.”

Cyclops gives her a BIG OL’ SMILE, looking like Tom Cruise wearing Wayfarers. “We’ll fix ourselves, retrain ourselves, get our students on their feet… then we’ll get this new mutant revolution on the road. Okay?”

Okay, Dad. Thanks.

In the other room Worthington congratulates Magneto on seeming less crazy! It’s a good look.

Christopher the Healer is drooling over blonde triplets. They turn around and give him 1000-yard stares with their dead, soulless eyes. “Look at you… what’s your name, handsome?”

Christopher the Healer is making a face like he thinks he’s about to get his dick sucked by three identical girls, but then he doesn’t remember his own name.

Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 3), Issue #5

Listen, ladies. Christopher’s got some real healing powers! He’ll show you. Just lie down, and… *forgets sex*

SPEAKING OF SEX, Magik and Cyclops emerge from their seven minutes in heaven looking fresh as springtime daisies! And thank the stars, because Warren Wuthering Heights III the Angel is tired of not knowing where he is, why, what, where, why, and where he is! Eva Bell thinks Cyclops is the sexiest thing since sliced bread, which is gross and I won’t speak anything more of it. Except that now Frost is gonna have a fucking rival now to fight over Smelly Cyclops.

Scottie 2 Hottie explains to the room that they’re all going to visit dear old Doctor Strange soon to fix Magik’s Limbo Disorder, but Magik’s outbursts suggest that she never actually agreed to this bullshiz, and this confused Cyclops because he definitely heard himself say that it was an agreement! “Oh crikey hell!” the Australian was heard to say.

Because Magik is freaking out Limbo-style again. And this time, she took the rest of them with her.

Final Thoughts

Speaking of being in Hell, I’m in Hell too. Reading this with my tired eyeballs.


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The Eye of the World (Book 1) – Chapter 28: “Footprints in Air”

The Wheel of Time - Book 1 - The Eye of the World

Not much happens in the Nynaeve / Moiraine / Lan chapters. This is only the second one, but I’m making sweeping generalizations about them mostly because they amount to the following:

Nyanaeve: “TELL ME ABOUT THIS OR ELSE I’LL CONTINUE BEING ANGRY. I ALSO CANNOT PROMISE THAT I WON’T STILL BE ANGRY ANYWAY.”
Moiraine: “I’m going to calmly tell you that I know nothing about anything, but follow me anyway.”
Lan: “I only know how to say ten words of English.”

In this particular chapter, the group ends up at Whitebridge where, not a day or two ago, Thom, Mat, and Rand found themselves without good fortune. Perhaps if the gleeman actually died there, his rotting carcass would still by on the street for them to find! But he is very much probably definitely still alive maybe. At any rate, Moiraine can sense that two of the boys were here and that there was much fear. It still lingers in the air, you see, and even without their coins she is able to catch a big stinkin’ whiff of it. Meanwhile, Lan can sense a big stinkin’ whiff of Fade droppings. This town is stinky with the recent past, I’ll tell you that much for free.

Nynaeve, of course, wants to switch course and start looking for the one who still has his coin. Moiraine insists — calmly, of course — that as long as the one with the coin has his coin, she doesn’t need to track him down. It’s the other two they need to find right now, and if they’re smart (and they’re only sort of smart… sort of) they’ll be heading to meet up at Caemlyn. In short, Nynaeve, kindly stuff it.

That’s where the chapter ends, and I know the last Mat/Rand chapter ended with them running out of Whitebride hootin’ and hollerin’, so I haven’t yet read what their next plan is. It’s Perrin that wants to go to Caemlyn. Mat and Rand just want their thumbs up their buttholes. But we shall see in time. Or we won’t.

There are still 14.5 books to go!


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Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6 – “Take Me Down To the Paradise City Where the Sea Runs Red & the Girls Are Pretty!”

* Part 6 of 7 of the REDemption storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6 – “Take Me Down To the Paradise City Where the Sea Runs Red & the Girls Are Pretty!”

I’m going to take the opportunity to express my complete, volatile hatred of Scott Lobdell and everything he is subjecting me to here. His horrible titles. His horrible storytelling. *googles Scott Lobdell* ..his horrible nerd-bro face.

Let the record show that this is worst comic book I’ve read so far by a long shot. I trust something else will earn the top spot some day, but it’s going to be hard to beat. I can tell you that much.

In the previous installment, who gives a fucking shit? Let’s just move on.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6 [April, 2012]
Written by: Scott Lobdell
“Take Me Down To the Paradise City Where the Sea Runs Red & the Girls Are Pretty!”

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6

OK, maybe this won’t be too terrible. The cover promises a story about Red Hood and Starfire’s first encounter, and I tend to be a sucker for flashback stories. They are usually a good vehicle for character building, and I’m wondering if Red Hood is responsible for busting Starfire out of her torturous slavery, er, lifestyle. But I may already be giving this issue too much credit. Best temper my expectations…

“It’s always been hard to say goodbye. So I never do.” Then how do you know if you never do it? Red Hood, you are a silly goose as always. An editor’s not tells me that the events of this issue take place one month before the events of Issue #1. If there was any trust in the audience, this note would be unnecessary. It goes to show what kind of readership we may have for Red Hood and his Two Merry Outlaws.

Red Hood is fighting some dude in a submarine. “Here’s a little clue for you – me – killing all your men. Should have thought twice about trying to smuggle nuclear weapons into Miami. Why could you just be trying to sneak in drugs like everyone else? At least then you only have to worry about sniffing dogs and not guys like me.” Red Hood busts through the steel exterior of the vessel with, I don’t know, his fucking face? He swims away just far enough before the submarine explodes and propels Red Hood through the water.

Dumb.

Later, Jason Todd – that’s Red Hood when he’s not wearing the red hood! – is on some faraway island lying half-conscious in a makeshift bed of rocks and sticks and other pointy, uncomfortable artifacts of nature. He’s hooked up to an elaborate alien gadget that I wouldn’t want near me even if I was dying of Elaborate Alien Gadget Withdrawal Syndrome.

A few days later, he’s off the machine getting some rest. A VERY scantily clad orange woman with the green eyes and the purple lips approaches. The poor unconscious boy seems familiar, as if they hung out together in another life somewhere. Maybe they met at a Red Robin and got a hamburger? Wouldn’t that be something? Get it?! Red Robin. It’s like because you see…

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6

Pants? Where we’re going, we won’t need pants!

Jason puts a gun to Kori’s neck, but then eases up when he realizes that the assailant six inches away is a very sultry orange lady. He’s all “where am I?” and she’s all “I’ll tell you in a minute”. Her neck has melted the tip of Jason’s gun. He’s not too alarmed. He’s detached, you might say. He asks Kori how the hell she did that and she’s all “I’ll tell you in a minute”. She tells him to just rest. REST, DAMNIT! RELAX!

That evening, Jason has a vivid dream about his old Robin days. He’s getting some training from Dick Grayson, another former Robin who is now Nightwing and still shitty. “Patience isn’t just a virtue, Jason. It can save your life.” Wait for the right moment but don’t hesitate to make a move. Wait, but don’t wait too much! Stay still and don’t move, but then move fast! Are you getting all this? Write it down. And then don’t write it down.

“Enough already!” hollers the ever-petulant Jason. “I don’t need to be told how to do my job by the guy who left me to fill in his cape. And besides, Batman picked me… not you.

Dick looks visibly hurt by this, and I’m sitting here positively LMAOing. “…Dude, relax,” Dick stares at the fucker coldly, “this isn’t a competition.”

Yeah. NOW it isn’t, sure. Jason Robin disagrees, calls him an ass, and leaps down impatiently. He didn’t wait for the right moment and, clearly, he moved too soon. He head gets smashed to paste by a cement truck! Or, barring that, something else happens that would have been avoided with a little more patience. Maybe we’ll see that later, I guess, who cares.

Back on the Island of Misfit Heroes, Jason wakes up from his stupor and wanders through the jungle looking for Miss Orange and discovers a huge spacecraft that Koriand’r had turned into a home.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6

Nice to meet you Coriander-Like-the-Spice from Tamarind-Like-the-Fruit. Your home looks like total garbage.

The Spice Girl lets him in and shows him around. It makes me wonder if her bed is the final sight on the tour, wink wink cough puke. Jason continues to be nude, covering his penis and balls with what I hope is poison oak. He apologizes in advance for being presumptuous, but he asks if this is a repurposed spacecraft more of a hideaway than a home. Then he asks about a hundred other prying questions before Kori slaps the leaf off his dick and tells him to calm down. “I’ve just never seen an alien before – orange or otherwise.” Classy. More like Rude Hood.

“And after so long in solitude, I’ve forgotten how obnoxious humans can be?” she says with an extremely icy glare. Jason apologizes for being, you know, a man. “Let me start over – thank you, Princess Koriand’r, for saving my life.”

Think nothing of it, Opie. There’s some clothes over here *points* if you want to hide your grotesque nudity *points*. The clothes, Jason notices, are Nightwing’s various costumes. Flashing back to a time when Red Hood was holding Batman down on the ground with his boot, he tells the caped crusader that he had failed him. He left Red Hood with the Joker. The Joker! He’s mean and weird and you left Red Hood with him! “It’d be so easy to kill you,” Red Hood says with a dead look in his eyes before Nightwing swings down to intercept. He kicks him right in the mouth.

As it turns out, Kori knows Nightwing well, explaining why she found Jason Todd so familiar. Jason is crazed with fury over why the hell this lady has Nightwing’s clothes, but she admits that she and Nightwing had a bit of a fling. She did lewd acts, he came on her face, it was all very special. She smells the clothes with a sigh. Good times. Happy memories. Here, put these on so she can relive the magic!

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6

Oh, Nightwing! Tee hee! My hero…

Jason gets used to the hunk of shrapnel that Kori calls her home. For one thing, there’s a kick-ass arsenal stockpiled there. For another thing, why should he feel threatened anyway. “She obviously loved Dick Grayson – almost as intently as I hated him.”

He picks up a really clunky-looking hunk of metal that looks like three weapons fused together into one big mess. He smiles as he looks through the scope. “My war on crime is never going to be the same again,” he says, hefting the 400-pound pile of shit. However, the war on crime is far from how he really feels. “All I can think about is how to use it to hurt people. How far have I fallen from Ducra’s teachings?”

Right, yeah, Ducra. The muppet who taught him everything he knows about jacking off, basically.

Speaking of jacking off, Kori stands ankle-deep in the water staring up at the moon, wearing a two-piece. Finally wearing pants, Jason approaches her with the intention to, heh, “talk”. There is something you need to know about me–” he starts as he gazes into her creepy green eyeballs. She kisses him before he can say another word. Now, I know what you’re thinking: hey, she’s just treating him as a replacement for Nightwing! She doesn’t really care about him! And to that I say… *clears throat* …yes.

“What the hell?” Jason exclaims, entirely into it despite what his question suggests. Kori is like I’M AN ALIEN LOL SORRY. So they actually sit down and talk this time.

“So I told her about me and Batman. How, like Dick Grayson, I was also the ward of Batman – a partner. I was a superhero named Robin. I told her everything.”

I’m sure Kori was thrilled to hear all about it. I can see her yawning with excitement, believe you me. She literally doesn’t care; the past is the past, and the present is the present, and that’s all she wrote, man.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (Vol. 1), Issue #6

Behold, the Furnace Lady. She needs maintenance every six months. Change her filter once a month. Clean her sensor as needed.

Kori is chock full of heat. Heat that’s supposed to be there. Jason, however, is full of heat that shouldn’t be there. Hot air, you might say. Keep it pent up and you’ll explode in a torrent of guts and feces!

They kiss again. He appreciates her. Batman never kissed him like this. Wait… maybe he has…

We end the issue with Jason and Kori hanging out in her abandoned hideaway spaceship wreckage. It gets WiFi, apparently, which is pretty kicking rad. He’s browsing the Internet on his laptop. After hitting all those classic porn sites we all know and love, he stumbles upon a news article full of fake Middle East country names.

Some redheaded dude flashes a peace sign in the photo.

“AMERICAN PUT TO DEATH IN QURAC. ROY HARPER TO BE EXECUTED BY INTERIM QURAC GOVERNMENT. STUDENT PROTESTERS IN RAQISTAN HAVE TAKEN TO THE STREETS IN A DEMONSTRATION OF PEACE.”

We’re at the end of that one month before the events of the beginning of Issue #1. Now there’s a clunky sentence!

“Kori,” Jason smiles, “are you up for a road trip?”

Final Thoughts

Qurac! Raqistan? Look, we all know which two countries they’re supposed to be and I’m appalled at the stereotyping! I hope the governments of Snyan, Graphganistan, and Papa’s New Guinea are spared this kind of flagrant racism!


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